Tears of Frustration
Logan is in an inclusion Kindergarten at our local elementary school and he comes home with homework every night. Last night was rough. Tears, many tears. It was hard for Jon and I to not wrap our arms around him and tell him "don't worry it will be ok", because it won't. He has to learn how to write. We have to force him to sit at the creative station in our house and practice with us right by his side whooping and hollering and giving high fives for every (almost) perfect letter S or T. The homework is working on handwriting and his fine motor is very delayed compared to his peers. He's beginning to notice that he does things differently than the other kids in class and I wish I could be there to help him navigate this neuro-typical world. I wish he had computer every day and he could wow his peers with his skills playing education games and his ability to maneuver on the keyboard and the mouse at same time.
Everyday that I drop him off at school, tears well up in my eyes as Z and I make our way back home. I worry about his day...are the kids being nice to him, is he making friends, is he crawling under the lunch table because of the noise, is he being punished because the teachers look at his behavior as inappropriate (covering his ears at music class because his sensory is heightened and the music is too loud).
It's hard for this Mama to release and let go. It's very hard. Especially when there are tears of frustration and I know that in my heart of hearts that there will always be. He will always have to struggle to fit into this non austistic world.
At least he has us to give high-fives along the way.