Tears of Frustration
Logan is in an inclusion Kindergarten at our local elementary school and he comes home with homework every night. Last night was rough. Tears, many tears. It was hard for Jon and I to not wrap our arms around him and tell him "don't worry it will be ok", because it won't. He has to learn how to write. We have to force him to sit at the creative station in our house and practice with us right by his side whooping and hollering and giving high fives for every (almost) perfect letter S or T. The homework is working on handwriting and his fine motor is very delayed compared to his peers. He's beginning to notice that he does things differently than the other kids in class and I wish I could be there to help him navigate this neuro-typical world. I wish he had computer every day and he could wow his peers with his skills playing education games and his ability to maneuver on the keyboard and the mouse at same time.
Everyday that I drop him off at school, tears well up in my eyes as Z and I make our way back home. I worry about his day...are the kids being nice to him, is he making friends, is he crawling under the lunch table because of the noise, is he being punished because the teachers look at his behavior as inappropriate (covering his ears at music class because his sensory is heightened and the music is too loud).
It's hard for this Mama to release and let go. It's very hard. Especially when there are tears of frustration and I know that in my heart of hearts that there will always be. He will always have to struggle to fit into this non austistic world.
At least he has us to give high-fives along the way.
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Hi there Gretch,
I just wanted to post that you are not the only mom that goes through all those fears. All us moms out there in this crazy world of ours have the same exact fears and problems when our children start school. I can only tell you that in due time it will get easier. It may not be this year or next but it will. I was just going through some new fears this year for middle school.
I know your struggles with Logan are more then some us bear but all the fears are just the same. We all want our children to love school and strive with life long friends. We all want them to "fit in" and not get teased or bullied. These are fears that all parents go through.Just keep that chin up and remember you have friends and especially family that will help along the way.
This was so touching and in more than one way, I can personally relate to your feelings here. I think I would love to chat with you one morning-- grab some drinks and hit a playground so we could ignore our younger children and gab... but let me just reiterate the previous commenter. You are definitely not alone in these feelings, and I believe we have to do what we can to support each other as we support our own children! Best to you!
Oh, Gretchen, it makes me want to cry, too. In fact I am (and I'm at the office - not a good thing for a therapist to be doing). There is nothing to say to make the pain better, is there? This is a hard journey and you are doing so amazingly well with each step, although it may not always feel like it.
I'm sure you have, but you should make sure that his teachers understand the additional challenges he faces and how behaviours that might be seen as inappropriate could be because of his autism. Teach them strategies that you think could help. I teach kindergarten too, and if they're anything like I am they want each of their students to do well and will be happy to have a parent who is willing to work with them to help a child be successful in school.
I just started teaching elementary kids this year... art. Since I don't have children of my own, it's great to see how a mom views this time of year. Especially the moms of my autistic kiddos. :) By the way, he is adorable!!
You and Jon are doing a great job with Logan and Zane. Keep in mind what the last 2 ladies wrote about a teachers are looking for parents to help. This could be the first time that Logan's teacher has had an autism child and doesn't know what to do and probably feel strange to ask a parent. This is where you come in as a parent and help to show the teacher how smart and wonderful Logan is. Logan is smart enough to know what he has to do to "fit" in with his class. He will and he will be great. It all takes time. Just be there for him and give him those "HIGH FIVES" and have patience.
I wish I could tell you it gets better. The worries, fears, frustrations and problems only change as they get older, autistic or not. It never goes away. You have had more of a challenge than most moms and have done such a marvelous job. Look how far Logan has come in the past 3 years! Think about how much further he will be in 3 more years! He will find his place. Take a deep breath, give him time, and get him OT services. Look into Handwriting Without Tears. I can send you material. Hang in there. You're doing everything right
I wish there were Emmys or Oscars or even Tonys for Moms! They work so hard with all their heart and rarely get the pat on the back they deserve.
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