Autism Testing- The Dread of Reevaluation

My oldest son, L, is on the Autism Spectrum and every three years or so the school psychologist at his public school is supposed to administer a battery of tests that pull him out of the classroom to reevaluate his diagnosis and services for his IEP (Individualized Education Plan). I've heard stories from families whose children are older than L, that their child tested differently as they aged and suddenly the services that their child was receiving in their IEP was taken away as though his/her
Autism changed and no longer rendered additional help. I've been told in hushed voices within vacant hallways, whispered information followed by the "you didn't hear this from me..." from school staff and administration that sometimes this is done because of budget cuts and there are other kids in the school who need the additional services more than my highly functioning autistic child. This is obviously not right but the reality is, that it is happening in a lot of public schools.

So it comes as no surprise that I go into this reevaluation with dread, I have a sinking pit in my stomach waiting for the results. I dread L being so successful that they take services away and I have to put my mama lion costume on and insist that he still keep the services that he has in order to continue to be successful. Also within these test results right in black and white is the prediction of your child's age based on how he answers the questions. One of the tests they administer is called the Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Children also known as WISC. We are now on the 5th edition of this test. And the purpose of this test is to provide insight into the child's performance, cognitive strengths and weaknesses, problem-solving and approach to learning.

When L first took this test the results said that he was functioning at an age that was two years younger than he actually was. I remember crying, sobbing actually when I read that. I looked over at my two boys playing and realized in that instant how this diagnosis was going to change everything for them because my other son is exactly two years younger than L. This meant they would be functioning on the same level even though they were two years apart in age. How could this not impact their relationship both good and bad?

This test, when it was first administered, fueled my desire to have Logan repeat kindergarten. It has also impacted how I perceive what he's mature enough to deal with or do regardless of whether or not he is at the age when other kids are doing it. For example, being allowed to stay at home by yourself. In our state, you have to be ten years old but L didn't do it until he was twelve. I know that these results will influence future decisions, we are on the cusp of being old enough for him to learn to drive, but also it will (hopefully) give us room to celebrate. L has made such strides recently, inducted into the National Jr Honor Society and cast in a local community musical, things that I didn't think ten years ago when he was first diagnosed would be possible for him.

I've learned to see my son.... all of him, including the Autism characteristics that don't make him unique in any way but actually make him Autistic. I know that the results don't define who my child is but they still feel like a blow to you as a parent, emotionally. This is the part of having a kid with special needs that a lot of parents don't understand. Our kids are constantly being evaluated and we are constantly being told about their deficiencies and weaknesses. It's a slippery slope that leads to depression and we parents of special need kids have to teach ourselves how to hold on to hope, how to see past the diagnosis and how to fight for what we believe our children need.

Holiday Moments under the Autism Spectrum Umbrella

The photos that are posted on Facebook aren't capturing the whole truth of how or why the picture was taken. We have all done a really great job at learning how to wear masks on social media. Posting photos on Facebook that are somewhat planned. Oftentimes you can't see the tears and the pain behind the smiling faces and coordinated outfits. It's a snippet or slice of the story. And I am guilty of this as well! But I know that behind every picture we post on Facebook there is a story, the moment right before and the moment after the picture was taken which if we could truly see them would encapsulate the whole story.

That's the case of the photo above, this is my son Z when he was about three years old. And we can all look at that photo and immediately identify with what is going on, small child in tears on Santa's lap. I'll bet there is a website somewhere with a collection of photos like this one. But when I look at this picture I don't see the small child scared of Santa I see the intention that I had to create this image and moment for Z.

My oldest son, L, is on the Autism Spectrum and at the time this picture was taken we were deep into many various therapies and early interventions. L was attending kindergarten full time in a mainstream classroom. Twice a week speech therapy appointments, behavior therapy, physical therapy and then on Saturdays he attended a developmental clinic for a few hours where he worked one-on-one with a college student who was specializing in Special Education to work on therapies that coincided with his appointments that week. During all of those appointments that I took L to, Z was with me. A little three-year-old sitting in waiting rooms with his little bag of toys and books. Always being told to whisper and not to run around and "just five more minutes sweetie".

The guilt of it all at times overwhelmed me. My heart hurt for L to have to do the hard work of learning how to function in our world and at the same time, my heart was continually breaking for Z for having to live under the umbrella of Autism and the limitations that it created in our lives. At some point, I looked through the scrapbooks that I made for the boys that documented every moment of their childhood and I realized that I didn't have a picture of Z with Santa Clause! It wasn't the joke of the second child who doesn't get as many pictures as the first child. I was always snapping pictures and scrapbooking moments of the boys.

Truth be told it was because L wasn't able to go to large places where there would be a lot of people, places like malls. Standing in line to see Santa was impossible for L, he would have a total breakdown and I knew this about him so I would avoid going to places where there would be large amounts of people and noise. Which meant that these major milestones in most children's lives, like sitting on Santa's lap, Z has missed them because of his brother. I was determined to change all of that! I researched the mall that had the best looking Santa in our area and I made a date with my little three-year-old guy to see him. We went out to eat beforehand in a crowded, busy, noisy restaurant and then to the mall. As we stood in the long line, Z was so excited, he was dancing and singing a made up song about "me and mommy see Santa....me and mommy....". I can still hear his sweet little sing-song voice in my head.

The line continued to move at a slugs pace but that didn't hinder Z's enthusiasm, he's talked to the kids in front of him and behind him. As he looked ahead to see how much closer we were to Santa each time we took a few more steps forward, he would smile up at me. My heart was bursting! I was so happy that we were doing this together, just me and him. That I was able to give him, even if it's just for an afternoon, what feels like a "normal childhood moment" that wasn't shaded by having a brother on the Autism Spectrum.

Eventually, we are at the head of the line and watching the family in front of us take their picture, these kids are seasoned experts who know exactly what to do and the entire family has matching sweaters on. Z is literally bouncing in place, he is so excited! Now it's our turn and he shyly shakes the hand that Santa holds out to greet him with and whispers his name after Santa asks him. And like all Santa's he asks the essential question, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?" I am surprised that rather than telling Santa everything he wants, instead, he tells Santa the items that L would like. I didn't realize in the actual moment how telling that was of who Z is as a person, in his core. Z suddenly looks over his shoulder and then around us, as if he just realized "where's L?, Mommy...where's L?" 
"Z, sweetie it's your special picture with Santa.", I tell him as I pick him up and place him on Santa's lap. I stepped to the side as instructed by the Santa's helper and CLICK.
That's the moment.
The scream and immediate tears, the arms outstretched as he cries out his brother's name realizing that he isn't with us nor is he going to do this with him.

I wish I could say that I learned my lesson from this experience, that I could accept that Z was totally fine with the existence that he had even if it was under the Autism umbrella. No, I didn't learn that lesson with Santa, it took a few more times for me to realize that I was projecting my own interpretation of what life should look like based on my own experiences of childhood. And rather than trying to conform my children to what my normal was...I had to embrace and accept that how we were living was pretty fine for everyone involved. That Z was not slighted in any way by missing out on Santa pictures or trips to Disney world. The Autism umbrella was his safe place, this is what his soul knows and for him it's magnificent. This is our "normal".

Autism and Scripted Speech- How we Conqured!

Picture by Ryan Benyi

I often get asked how did I know L was on the Autism Spectrum and the answer is, I didn't. I knew something was "different" with him though. We were in a playgroup in Seattle from the time that L was 6 months old, up until we left Seattle to come back to the east coast. For 4 years we met these other mamas, who became my best friends, and their kids each week and all of the kids were the same age. It was an incredible experience as a first time mom. You were a part of every child's first moments; first steps, first tooth, first words. And right around two years old all the other kids in the playgroup began to talk and string words together in small sentences. As they played they began to use those sentences with each other. L had words but not really sentences. He wasn't stringing words together the same way that the other kids were.

I expressed concern to my pediatrician and family members and everyone kept consoling me that some kids are "just late talkers." But in my gut I knew it had to be something else. Right around that time our second son, Z, was born and our "no TV rule" that we so proudly stuck to was thrown away as I was exhausted and needed 30 minutes to stick L in front of something so I could breastfeed. He became obsessed with the Thomas the Tank Engine show and Bob the Builder. Within 5 minutes of turning off the TV he would grab his trains or his Fisher Price Little People and reenact the entire episode word for word! The kid who wasn't speaking in sentences, but yet could memorize a 30 minute television show. It wasn't making sense.

I would lay down on the floor next to him getting my face close to his as he would roll one train back and forth, in one place, reciting the lines from the Thomas the Tank Engine show that he just watched with the correct emotional emphasis. I would lay there and look into his eyes, which were somewhere else, listening to him talk. I could say his name repeatedly within five inches of his face and he wouldn't react, the only way to get him back into the present moment was to deliver the wrong line. Since I watched the show with him, I knew the plot so I would interject and it would immediately snap him out of it. He would look into my eyes as though he hadn't seen me there before and then he'd furrow his little brow and say, "No mommy!"

These memorized lines from television shows became his language and he would use them in real life to communicate. When he wanted something to drink he used a line from Bob the Builder, "Want a spot of Tea? Why yes, I'd love one." As an exhausted mother of two I rolled with it and began to understand my son in a way that I didn't before, we had a language now to use together. Friends and family members thought it adorable and hilarious when this little 3 year old could instantly talk in a British accent and deliver a funny line in order to get more water in his sippy cup. That line, "Want a spot of tea?" would later be the line that would have me sobbing on the floor and doubting myself.

Once we moved to the east coast we began seeing an incredible speech therapist who informed me that I needed to stop obliging L with his memorized script, she called it echolalia and it's also referred to as scripting which can be a form of stemming for kids on the Autism Spectrum. My homework assignment was every time that L said "Want a spot of tea?" in order to ask for more water in his sippy cup to look him in the eye and tell him to say "L, say I want water please."
L would look at me confused, lifting his sippy cup higher in the air. "Want a spot of tea?!?!"
"Say, I want water, please."
"Spot of tea!!!", L would begin to get tears in his eyes and a confused look on his face.
"I want water, please.", I would repeat.
"Spot of tea!", yelling and with tears now streaming down his face.
He would stomp his feet and eventually throw himself on the floor, a sobbing mess mumbling "spot of tea...spot of tea..." At this point the baby would be crying as well. This would happen several times a day. The same exchange of lines. The same amount of tears.

The speech therapist told me to be consistent, she reaffirmed our goals each week and insisted that though it's hard it will be worth it. "Hard" is not the word I would use to describe it accurately, torturous would be a better word. To stand there and repeat the line you want your child to say while he cries and looks so confused, not understanding why I am not going along with the ususal script. It was emotional torture. But in my intellectual mind, I knew it was for the best in order for him to develop appropriate language communication. I wasn't perfect in the process, I caved several times. I'd give in because I didn't have the fight in me that day. But I always regretted it later knowing that I wasn't helping him by continuing to allow him to use scripted language. And then there would be the moments when neither one of us would back down and the result would be L and I intertwined in a hug sobbing on the kitchen floor holding on to each other as though our lives depended on it. As we each mumbled "water", "spot of tea.", "water", "spot of tea."

That's what Autism looked like in our house in the very beginning. It was beyond hard, both for him and me. But we did the hard work of early intervention therapies and looking back now, he's about to turn 14 and recently accepted into the National Junior Honor Society, all of those moments of sobbing on the kitchen floor were totally worth it!

Facebook Reminds You

You know how Facebook pops up memories into your news feed from years ago? Suddenly before your eyes you see where your life once was, a memory that you might want to share to remind everyone else that you know that time is passing way too fast! Today the picture in my newsfeed was of my boys as babies.
Babies! 
It's hard to imagine that they were once small enough to hold and sit on my lap now that both of them are almost if not over 5 feet tall.

So much has changed and yet there are moments in our daily lives that haven't changed at all. Logan, my oldest child who is on the Autism Spectrum, is now in middle school. We have the same script as we are about to depart each other as we did when he was in kindergarten. In elementary school I stood at the top of the hallway, Logan refused to be dropped off with the rest of the kids in the front of the building, which was OK by me as I enjoyed having that last moment together just as much as he did. We had a routine that we did everyday. Memorized lines we would say to one another. It made him feel "safe" he told me once. We would stop at the mural and I would kneel down for a hug and kiss. I'd use that moment to remind him of something in his backpack that he needed to give his teacher, practice his clues one more time for his Friday mystery bag item etc, etc.  
I then would say "Have a great day sweetie", he would reply "OK take care of Dharma and Zane for me." 
"Okay I will", I would respond.
On one particular day he turned to walk down the hall, waving his left hand goodbye but not looking at me... as he did every school day. But this time he turned around, tears in his eyes and ran back to me on the verge of completely breaking down.
"You didn't say it Mommy!!! You didn't say it!!"
I was scanning my lines in my head as if I was on center stage and the spotlight was on me and everyone was waiting for me to deliver my line....

"You're going to be great!"

A huge smile then spread across his face. A deep sigh of relief. He turned to leave again.
I call out, "You're going to be great Logan! You always will be."
"I know, Mom. Thanks!"

Our script hasn't changed all that much, instead of standing at the mural I stand at the bus stop. And instead of saying "Take care of Dharma and Zane" he says "Have a good yoga class, Mom.", marking my transition from Stay At Home Mom to Working Mom. Today as he stepped on the first step of the bus, waving his left hand goodbye but not looking at me he paused and turned towards me. I smiled at him instantly acknowledging how grown he looks now and said, "You're going to be great!" A smile spread across his face and instead of his usual line "I know, Mom." He said "You are too." Thanks Logan. Sometimes we moms need to hear it too. 

For all you moms out there parenting kids on the spectrum; memorizing scripts, living by routines and wishing your child would eat something new.

"You're going to be great!"

Autism- Classroom Expectations

Something that most of us think of as so simple is often times really hard for a child on the Autism Spectrum. We are taught from Kindergarten through college and even beyond that when you have a question in a classroom type of setting to raise your hand and wait to be called upon.

Children on the spectrum struggle with multi-step directions. In the classroom, first they are trying to process all of the stimuli going on in the room. The smells and sounds of the other children, the hum of the overhead fluorescent lights, the feel of the seat under them, not to mention the temperature of the room, the volume at which the teacher is speaking and the general clutter of the classroom walls displaying student's artwork or motivational pictures.

The next challenge for kids on the spectrum is to pay attention to what the teacher is talking about, it's so easy for them to become distracted by all the other stimuli going on in the room. Then when the teacher asks a question, for them to be able to remember to raise their hand after first thinking of the answer is a challenge for these kids. My son, who is on the Autism Spectrum and is in a mainstream classroom, often times will not raise his hand even though he knows the answer to the question. I snapped this picture of him during a classroom sharing circle several years ago, the teacher had asked the kids: "Raise your hand if you are excited about winter break!"

Every year I like to sit in the back of the classroom and simply observe Logan in his environment before a scheduled IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting. That way I have a general understanding of what a day looks like for him. If you have a child with an IEP, I highly recommend sitting in on his/her classroom for the entire day. See what your child is like with your own eyes so that you have a better understanding when the teachers are sharing with you their observations at the IEP meeting. You might leave the classroom with ideas for the teacher that might help to keep your child engaged in learning or accomplish other goals listed in their IEP.

Autism- Finding Friends in Unexpected Places

My oldest son, Logan, is on the Autism Spectrum and children on the spectrum have a really hard time making friends. They are socially delayed and typically don't understand social cues that everyone else seems to understand naturally. For example; looking a person in the eye, asking a question to keep the conversation going or simply greeting the person you know when you see them.

We continue to work on these social cues year after year. Hoping that someday he'll make a friend and want to have playdates like his younger brother does with his friends. We found a community for Logan in a very unexpected place: Yu-Gi-Oh tournaments. A local comic book store hosts Yu-gi-oh tournaments every month and the room is packed with (mostly) boys of various ages who enjoy playing Yu-gi-oh. 

This is where my son can shine in his Autism! It's okay that he's rattling off stats of various cards to everyone who sits in front of him, they want to hear it! It's alright that he isn't looking them in the eye because they are playing a game that requires you to look at your cards. He can stand when everyone else is sitting, he can walk on his toes, he can chew on his tongue...none of this matters because he is playing a game that the room of kids are interested in playing. And for once no one notices his Autism. Several times I have observed my son in this environment and welled up with tears because finally after so many "failed" experiences in extra-curricular activities that he couldn't do or wasn't coordinated enough or didn't have the attention span for.... finally he fits in! I have such gratitude for this amazing little community, the open-mindedness of the kids who attend and for the owners of the store for creating this very welcoming environment! 

If you live in Maryland check out the Dream Wizards store.

Autism Accomplishments

Hey Village! It's time to celebrate again! 

Often times when you have a kid on the Autism Spectrum there are accomplishments that take place that no one really understands, except the people closest to you. They are small accomplishments that as the parent make you want to rent the party room, pull out the streamers, blow some party balloons and hire the clown. And in a way…I guess that's what I'm doing by writing this post.

Logan, my oldest son, is eleven years old and on the Autism Spectrum. I recently wrote about his accomplishment of being able to tolerate large groups which was HUGE for our family. It's opened doors to opportunities that we weren't able to experience before.
Well now I am here to celebrate jeans.
Jeans?, you might wonder.
Yes, it is that simple…jeans.

There was an entire year when Logan refused to wear anything but superhero long sleeved pajamas. As you can see in the first picture where his brother is wearing seasonally appropriate clothes for July in Washington DC, Logan stood his ground and wore his pajamas everywhere. You might wonder why I didn't "make" him wear other clothes. Yes, of course I tried. But until you've experienced a meltdown from a child on the Autism Spectrum please do not judge. It's beyond anything you've ever experienced. The look of pain in my son's eyes as I wrestled him into shorts and a t-shirt was as if I was lighting his skin on fire. The screaming would reach an all new octave, the tears would cover his entire red face while gasping for air all because of a cotton t-shirt and elastic waist shorts. This was the start of our day for several weeks. The meltdown would last over an hour. The pain in his eyes, that's what broke me.
I couldn't handle it.
I gave up.
I bought every pair of superhero pajamas I could find in his size. It was summer and finding long sleeve pajamas was nearly impossible. Short sleeved and short sets would not placate him. It had to be long sleeved, he insisted that his skin had to be covered in the 90 degree humid heat of DC. I found two Superman sets on clearance at Target and it felt like I hit the lottery. I called my mom in tears, having my own meltdown over pajamas, and because she has witnessed Logan's getting dressed meltdowns first hand she understood my immediate need for her to go to her local Target and buy clearance superhero pajama sets as well. Between the two of us we were able to secure a weeks worth of long sleeved pajamas. And it felt like my life became normal. Except for the fact that I got stares and comments from strangers everywhere we went, we were a magnet for parenting advice.
"How could you allow your son to wear long sleeves in this heat?"
You have no idea.

Logan outgrew the pajama phase, it led to t-shirts and elastic waist athletic pants which has been a staple in his wardrobe for the past several years. And then today he came downstairs ready for school wearing jeans! I'm not sure if the jeans were a gift or something his father bought that Logan has refused to wear and it has been living at the bottom of the drawer. I don't remember how they came to appear in our house but on laundry day when all the other athletic pants were dirty his choice was simple…jeans. And he didn't have a meltdown, he wore them proudly. I made such a huge deal about it, complementing him on how grown up he looks. Taking pictures of his outfit. In my mind I knew instantly that this would be scrapbooked in our family photo book.
My mom came over that night and fussed over him on handsome he was in jeans. I'm so glad she got to see him, that she too got to celebrate this accomplishment since she lived through the pajama phase with me. Like I said this was a big deal, a major accomplishment.
Jeans today….I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

   

Creating Special Time with Each Child- MOMMY DATE

My oldest son, Logan, is on the Autism Spectrum, though he has grown and matured and is now more adaptable to various settings. We still feel as though we are sometimes limited on what environments he will tolerate or for how long. I have often talked about my internal struggle with guilt that my younger son, Zane, has to live under the "Autism Umbrella".  Thankfully he doesn't know any different though, this is his "normal". Watching his brother go to various therapy appointments or special camps where he goes on various field trips to learn social skills has sparked a bit of jealousy from time to time.

To offset that jealousy I like to have a special day with my younger son that we call a Mommy Date. I give him a few choices of things that we can do, often times choosing things that I know Logan wouldn't tolerate. Recently we went to a paint your own pottery type of place and enjoyed talking while painting our pieces of pottery. I chose to do a large mug and I traced Zane's hand on it so now I have a special mug that I can use with my morning coffee to remind me of our special Mommy Date.

Carve out some time for each of your kids, you don't have to spend money or go somewhere new. Take a walk around the block, or lay in the hammock together. The important thing is to talk, to truly listen to just that child and offer them your undivided attention. Turn off the phone and other distractions and tune into that sweet child.
  

It Takes a Village

You've heard the phrase "it takes a village to raise a child", but have you ever really believed it? Yes, it's awesome that you have the friends you can call on last minute to pick your kids up from school when you are running late and sitting in bumper to bumper traffic on the beltway. Or who babysit for you so that you and your spouse can go out to dinner at a restaurant where utensils are used or see a R rated movie.

Having a child on the Autism Spectrum has made me a true believer of the phrase "it takes a village". There is a village of specialists that work with him daily at the school so that he can maintain being successful in a mainstream classroom. A wonderful woman who is his dedicated aide has become part of our family. She loves him and cares for him at school so that I don't have to worry about his safety or if he's being left behind. 

A village of family and friends celebrate his accomplishments right beside me. People who know how much it means to me to be able to film a music concert. Yes, I know parents do this all the time. We post videos and pictures of our children but my village knows what a huge accomplishment it is for my oldest son Logan to walk onto a stage full of 250 people and stand in front of the same number of people sitting in the audience and play a song on his viola. 

Because once upon a time we had to avoid large groups of people because Logan couldn't handle it, it was too much stimulation. He would often crawl under tables or benches and cover his ears and cry.
Once upon a time he wore headphones to dampen the sound of music during his music class at school. 
And then a viola was put in his hands….and it all changed.

Thank you village for celebrating this life accomplishment along side me! 

Special Needs Brother

My wife recently remarked to me that she doesn't feel like our kids get excited about anything, that they don't show their excitement like other kids do. Her comment stuck with me for a few days. As I've been thinking about it and churning it around in my mind, I honestly had to agree with her. There have been several times, just in the last year, when I've been disappointed by their reaction to something. For example this past Christmas we surprised the boys with tickets to Legoland, Florida. We live in Maryland so this was a big gift that involved airfare and such. Both boys had been begging to go to Legoland for months, basically every time the Lego "magazine" arrived in our mailbox. (I use that term in quotes because if you've ever seen this so called literature that the company mails to my children for free...then you know that it is basically a glorified toy catalog.) 

I set up the iPhone on the bookshelf to secretly record their faces once they opened the package with the Legoland tickets and park map, hoping that their reaction would be as over the top happy as some of the videos I've seen on YouTube. They both barely cracked a smile. Instead they were full of questions about when we are going, for how long and then once the day arrived they were both happy to be there. Excited? Well let's just say that their "excited" isn't anywhere close to other children's excited.

And after further thought on my wife's recent remark to me about it, I've come to the conclusion that my youngest son has been looking up to his brother for the way in which to conduct himself emotionally. Almost all children do this, younger siblings look to the older sibling to interpret if something is a good idea, safe etc. Well my oldest son, Logan, is on the Autism Spectrum. And children on the Autism Spectrum have a great deal of difficulty appropriately expressing their emotions.

When Logan was around three years old I use to hold up flash cards at the dinner table that had pictures of various people expressing emotions. These were stock images that showed him what crying looked like, surprise, happy, thoughtful etc. Children on the Autism Spectrum don't naturally understand emotional facial reactions, it often times has to be learned.

So it shouldn't come to a surprise that those children then don't always express their own emotions as you or I would. Logan's "really happy" looks like a very toned down version of a nuerotypical child's "really happy". His emotional reactions aren't as extreme or as identifiable. And now I've realized that my younger son's emotional reactions are simply him imitating his autistic brother, not on purpose of course, it has just happened the way these things do within a family. Could this be a study for future research scientists? I think so. I wonder what else my younger son has learned how to do by watching his older brother and though he is not on the Autism Spectrum he might unintentionally act as though he is.
Have you ever encountered this between siblings where one child is special-needs and the other is not? What did you observe?

Raising a Compassionate Child

The guidance councilor at my boy's school pulled me aside and asked if my younger son, Zane, could participate in "Lunch Bunch" with one of his classmates. Lunch Bunch is for kids who have social goals on their IEP, Individualized Education Plan. The special-needs child and a few classmates can have lunch in one of the teacher's offices, typically the special education teacher's office or the guidance councilor's office to work on whatever the social goals might be for that child. It’s a relaxed environment for the special-needs child to learn how to have a conversation, take turns etc. My oldest son, Logan, who is on the Autism Spectrum, has been enjoying Lunch Bunch for two years now and I think it's been a wonderful tool to aide in the development of cultivating friendships for him. Every kid in his class wants to be chosen to have the special lunch and play with special toys while everyone else sits in the cafeteria.

I was honored that Zane was chosen and not the least bit surprised. He naturally gravitates towards other children on the Spectrum because, I think, they remind him of his brother. But I wanted Zane to choose whether or not he wanted to participate in Lunch Bunch. He lives and breathes life under the Autism umbrella and I didn’t want to force this on him.

While on a dog walk I decided to bring it up and ask him what he thought about participating in Lunch Bunch with this child from his class, Sam*. He seemed curious but wanted to know if he could invite some friends as well. I explained to him how Logan is the key kid for Lunch Bunch in his class and he gets to be the one who invites other kids and Sam is the key kid in his class. I went on to further explain that the good news is that Sam picked him to participate and that it's a special opportunity.

Zane was walking next to me and became silent; I could tell he was analyzing it in his mind. Trying to the change the subject I asked him who sat at his group of desks. He went through the names of all the kids telling little stories about each one. Sam was one of them. So I asked Zane, "How is Sam doing in school this year?"


"Not good. Yesterday he left early because he wouldn't get off the floor."


"What does the teacher do when Sam lays on the floor?"


"She taps him on the shoulder and then Sam grunted at her like this..." (He grunted softly to demonstrate)


"Oh, that's too bad. Did you know that Sam has a different kind of brain?"

"Like Logan?", he asked.


"Yeah, like Logan."

"That’s what I thought. But no one is there to help Sam like Ms. Drew does for Logan."

(Ms. Drew is Logan’s dedicated aide)

We walked for a bit longer in silence and then Zane said, "Do you think Sam would want to be my friend?"

"I think he would. He seems like a pretty cool kid. And I bet you guys have a lot in common."

"He just ignores me though."

"I think he's just processing everything that is going on, I’m sure he doesn't mean to ignore you."

"Just like Logan does sometimes."

"Yup, like Logan does."

I'm instantly reminded of what a compassionate child Zane is and how living under the Autism umbrella can be a pretty good thing after all. 

(* name of the child has been changed)

Reading with your Kids

I'm a huge advocate of reading. We read to the boys even as babies. Logan's first words were "go! go!" because at the time his favorite book was Marvin K. Mooney, Will you Please Go Now! 
The boys have been reading on their own for quite some time but I believe it's still important to share reading with your children. I often have the boys read out loud to me while I do dishes or prepare dinner. I like being able to hear them, help them pronounce a word and ask them questions about what they are reading. It opens a door, a glimmer into their thoughts. How do you read with your children as they have gotten older?

Bowie Baysox- Fun, Family Activity

Our family is ready for another baseball season, Bowie Baysox is our local minor league team in Maryland. Minor league games are perfect for families and for kids on the Autism Spectrum. As you can see from this picture the crowds are less, which means being able to ask to change seats to a quieter section if your child has sensory processing issues. 

For Maryland families- check out the Bowie Baysox's Kids Club. Every Sunday during a home game kid's club members eat FREE! 

See you at the ballpark!

      

NATHAN ABERCROMBIE, ACCIDENTAL ZOMBIE- Great book Series for BOYS

My boys are now eight and ten years old and ever since they were babies we have had the nightly tradition of curling up in one of their beds and reading together. Even though they are both reading on their own, this tradition of me reading to them and snuggled all together is one tradition that I hope we keep for a few more years.

If you have boys you are very familiar with the Harry Potter and Diary of a Wimpy Kid series, but have you heard about Nathan Abercrombie? No it's not the store. It's a kid who turns into a zombie! But don't worry it's not scary, in fact it's funny and has us all excited to read the next chapter.

Write up from the publisher: 
"Ten-year-old Nathan Abercrombie used to be an ordinary kid …until he got doused with an experimental serum that turne him into a half-dead zombie. But it turns out being half dead isn’t all bad. He doesn’t need any sleep, and he doesn’t feel pain. Still, Nathan would rather be human. Will he find a cure? Or will Nathan be half-dead forever?"

I highly suggest checking out the Nathan Abercrombie series at your local library, your boys will love these books!

Children's Chore Chart

I was tired of constantly asking my children if they combed their hair, brushed their teeth or went to the bathroom before we headed out for school every morning. I felt like such a nag! Things needed to change. The boys are eight and ten years old, old enough to be a bit more responsible.

So I made a chart of all the things that they need to accomplish before school, I had it laminated at Staples and it lives on our fridge where everyone can see it and has access to it. I have also given them the choice to choose when they would like to have their 30 minutes of computer/video game "screen time", in the morning or evening. The catch is, if they don't check off their chart each morning they will then lose the much coveted screen time.

Our mornings have completed shifted and changed, and are a lot less stressful for me. Now the only words that come out of my mouth that fall in the "nag" category are "Have you checked your chart?" and I say it only once to both of my boys. That's it. When I check the chart if it's not filled in for the day the screen time box gets a big X. This was the motivating factor for my kids to complete the chart.

The new system has worked beautifully! I highly recommend that you try it for your family if your children are old enough to follow directions and do everything on their chart by themselves. The boys actually enjoy checking things off and they get really proud of themselves when they do it without me having to remind them to "check the chart".

Penny Science Experiment

During the summer I like to have the boys try science experiments and other fun projects that keep them writing, reading and in the mindset of learning. This project is a lot of fun for the older elementary kids and doesn't take a lot of hands-on time for the parent. I prepped the supplies and then allowed my ten year old son, Logan, to measure, pour and read the directions on his own. Logan enjoyed the experiment and afterwards wanted to find other metal objects to clean!

Have the sterling silver polishing cloth ready- parents!

Penny Experiement:

Fill the 3 cups as follows:

• fill the 1st with plain water & add 10 pennies

• fill the 2nd with water + dish soap & add 10 pennies

• fill the 3rd with 1/2 cup vinegar + 2 teaspoons salt & add 10 pennies

Write which cup you think will get the pennies clean.

Leave the pennies in their cups for 5 minutes. Remove the pennies from the cups and place them on a napkin (without rinsing or drying them). Let the pennies sit for an additional 5 minutes.

What do you think is going to happen?

Write down your observation.

Rinse the pennies that were in the salt & vinegar cup with water. What happened?