The journey of adoption is exciting, frustrating, hopeful and heartbreaking. It’s a myriad of emotions being thrown at you daily. There are so many ups and downs and though you and your spouse are going through this amazing experience, right now it feels very lonely. Don’t get me wrong, we have an incredibly supportive family and a huge network of friends in our community cheering us on in person and virtually. But daily there are so many emails and phone calls that we can’t talk about because of privacy issues and that we don’t want to talk about because we don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up since we know that that particular child won’t be joining our family.
We are in what they call “the matching process”, which means we are daily looking at websites where social workers all over the United States post information about children in foster care who’s parent’s rights have been terminated. The websites have pictures and a small amount of information about the child and sometimes a video of the child being interviewed (think of the Wednesday’s Child segment that you’ve seen on the news). After reading the child’s profile and feeling as though that child would be a good fit for our family, based on this limited information, we then inquire about the child. The child’s social worker receives our home study and then we wait to hear if we would be a good fit for this child. The waiting is hard as waiting often is. But the rejection is even harder. The blanket statement “You were not selected for this child” that we receive via email, leaves us asking BUT WHY? Why did they not pick us? Aren’t we good enough? That child seemed like they would fit well in our family! Maybe we should tell them more about us that wasn’t in our home study…..
The whirlwind begins in your mind and then you take a deep breath and center yourself. You tap back into your truth. And you know that the social worker didn’t chose your family because there was another family that fit the child better. We trust that these amazing, hardworking people who see and hear things on a daily basis that would make you burst in tears and want to cover your eyes…they know what is best for this child. It’s not personal. But it feels that way in the moment.
Daily I am thankful for my meditation practice. When this experience seems overwhelming and it feels as though my heart can’t hold anymore hurt in one day, I sit and close my eyes and breathe. I tune back into my breath and focus simply on inhaling and exhaling. I let my mind go clear and then I pray. I pray to the Divine that our new child will find us and join our family. That our house will continue to be filled with laughter and love. And to give us the courage to continue to be open and compassionate beings on a daily basis.