I live in BOYLAND, I'm totally outnumbered. I know more about superheros than I ever thought I would. I'm often shot at with imaginary guns and told "you're dead mommy. be dead!" I love that every once in a while one of my boys drags around this doll and it becomes the playmate of the day or the afternoon. A simple surprise that warms my heart.
A lesson in TRUST and LETTING GO
Lauren and I decided to randomly end our bike season of 2009 with a bike ride on my parent's tandem. (We are not winter bikers) We had no idea what we were getting into. On the drive to the Washington & Old Dominion Trail we were placing bets on how many times we would fall. (none!) I didn't expect to learn any real lessons. But I did. We joked that it was like therapy.
The person in front, the Captain, has total control. The Captain steers, changes gears, warns the other rider (the stoker) of upcoming hills, bumps etc.
The stoker? The stoker...pedals. And guess who started the ride as the stoker. Yes, me.
Right from the beginning my heart began to beat a little faster. Putting all my trust in Lauren to make the right decision for the both of us. And the thing is Lauren is a really great bike rider, she knows what she is doing. I didn't realize how hard giving up total control was for me. I laughed nervously when Lauren would ask if I was OK, trying to play it cool. But I was struggling. Really struggling.
We rode 10 miles maybe and decided to switch positions. As the Captain, I bopped my head. My heart was beating at it's normal rate. I laughed real laughs and was able to chit chat. I was OK with having this responsibility. I know this role. I'm good at it. But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't challenge myself to grow. To release. To allow someone else who I know and love and most of all trust, to take the lead.
To be the Captain.
We decided to start our bike season of 2010 with another ride on the tandem.
I'm ready to pedal.
Holding on to Hope
This is a video about Taylor, a 17 year old girl who at age 2 was diagnosed as being on the Autism spectrum and given little hope of recovery. Now she is a top student, an athlete, and a creative artist.
Thank you Taylor for making this video, it's very insightful and gives parents like me Hope.
Back to School...
Yesterday was Logan's first day back to school from winter break. I made sure to wake up extra early so I wouldn't feel rushed which then makes the kids feel rushed as I chant, "come on..shoes on..jackets on...let's go!...let's go!" I was expecting Logan to have a breakdown, refuse to go to school, walk dragging his feet up the hill while crying. These transitions from school breaks are normally the worst. But none of that happened yesterday.
Yesterday the morning went along smoothly, keeping to our school day routine as if winter break never even happened. To say I was shocked is an understatement.
We get to school and I stand at the top of the hallway, Logan still refuses to be dropped off with the rest of the kids in the front of the building, which is OK by me I enjoy having that last moment together just as much as he does. We have a routine even there that we do everyday. Memorized lines we say to one another. It makes him feel "safe" he tells me. We stop at the mural and I kneel down for a hug and kiss. I then use that moment to remind him of something in his backpack that he needs to give his teacher, practice his clues one more time for his Friday mystery bag item etc, etc.
I then tell him "have a great day sweetie", he then replies "OK take care of Dharma and Zane for me."
"Okay I will", I respond.
He turns and walks down the hall, waving his left hand goodbye but not looking at me... as he does every school day.
And then he turns around, tears in his eyes and runs back to me on the verge of completely breaking down.
"You didn't say it Mommy!!! You didn't say it!!"
I'm scanning my lines in my head as if I'm on center stage and the spotlight is on me and everyone is waiting for me to deliver my line....
"You're going to be great!"
A huge smile spreads across his face.
A deep sigh of relief.
He turns to leave again.
I call out, "you're going to be great Logan! You always will be."
"I know, Mom. Thanks!"
You're going to be great.
Don't you wish someone told you that everyday as you were about to embark on your day. I'm not a huge resolution maker but this year I'm going to promise to show that compassion to myself . Let's do it together.
You're going to be great!!
Happy New Year!
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