my new toy...meet sabine

I've really enjoyed reconnecting with bike riding in the past year but the bike I was riding, Juicy, well let's just say she's vintage. She has issues. She's not completely reliable. And when you like to ride 40 miles an hour down a hill,reliable brakes is exactly what you need!
So it was bound to happen.
I bought a new bike.
Meet Sabine.
I bought her at my local favorite bike shop, Arrow Bicycle. They were having a big bike sale and I just could not resist. I love supporting local shops, especially shops that give back to the community. The 2 owners, both named Chris, team up with the Special Olympics and also run clinics where they teach kids on the spectrum how to ride bikes. Now you know I want to support people who do that!!
In June I am biking 200 miles in 2 days from Toronto to Niagara Falls and then back again. I know Sabine and I are going to have some great rides this season.
Stay tuned...

Today I am making the choice.

Today I am making the choice.

I am choosing to not allow the 4 year old's meltdown outside of the car to affect my entire day.

I am choosing to not allow the gray haired lady who yelled unkind words at me outside the window of her car to take over my morning.

I am cultivating kindness.

Today I am making the choice.

FREE ABA Flash cards for your iphone

In honor of Autism Awareness Month, all of the ABA apps from Kindergarten.com will be FREE for the entire month of April.
From their website: At Kindergarten.com our flash cards are specifically created to stimulate learning and provide tools and strategies for creative, effective language building. Flash cards can be a great tool for fostering the mastery of new words, building vocabulary and conveying new concepts.
Here's the deal, ABA therapy is great for kids on the Autism spectrum but neurotypical kids can also benefit from this as well. Especially the Receptive Identification apps. Give it a whirl!

Top 9 of 2009

I celebrated my birthday this past weekend and every year I like to take a moment and reflect on the year and celebrate, if you will, the things I have accomplished. So this year I made a Top 9 of 2009... because I adore making lists.
1. I biked 100 miles in one day, 9 hours actually.

2. decided that my happiness was important.
3. got a tattoo that I look at everyday and remind myself of it's meaning.

4. got certified to teach yoga, opening a whole new world within me.
5. competed in my third triathlon.
6. became a better mother.
7. I started "tweeting" and have been doing it for a full year now.
8. made quilts to adorn all of our beds.
9. reconnected with friends, becoming mindful of spending my moments with people I love and who bring me joy.

Responsibility

Let me start by saying, change is never good for a kid on the spectrum. Logan has never dealt with change well. Normally it takes months to prepare him for something. Lots of conversations about whatever it is that is changing in his life. We've bought the same bed twice because when we moved it was easier to buy another than deal with the breakdown that Logan would have about sleeping in a different bed. And when I say breakdown...I mean total breakdown...the kind where no one is sleeping for days!!
That being said....this past weekend we moved.
HUGE change!
Lots of new things!
I am continually surprised by the amount of change Logan can endure now that he's older. He's able to tolerate so much more than he use to, I'm sure public school has been a huge help in this area. :)
I still have to prepare him weeks in advance, we still have to have a lot of conversations about whatever it is that is changing. The biggest difference now is that he has the language to ask questions and the ability to process your answers and then ask more questions.
Last night I could tell a bit of anxiety was washing over him. His voice sounds like he's about to start crying at any second. His eyes never remain fixed on any one thing. His body seems jittery.
I stop what I'm doing and ask him, "what is bothering you, Logan?"
There is a pause.
As there often is with Autism.
He replies, "I don't know how to get out of here."
His little 6 year old voice cracking a bit as he then bites his lower lip and I get a flash in my head of my future... of teenagers and cracking male voices.
"What do you mean sweetie?"
No reply.
I follow his gaze.
He's looking at the front door.
"Do you mean the lock?"
He nods his head fiercely so that his long, blonde hair swings in his face. The lock on the front door is very different from the lock on our other house.
"If something happens, I'll have to help Zane. He depends on me to do that." His big brown eyes beginning to pool with tears.
"Ok. Let's go over and practice it", I say wiping the tears that are forming in my eyes as well.
We spend a good 15 minutes locking and unlocking the door. Logan regains his confidence. His body becomes more relaxed. When he has done it by himself without any coaching he decides that he's done.
I remain standing at the door watching the two of them play together and my heart is full. So full because a kid who at one time barely noticed when someone entered the room, he was so withdrawn into himself, now understands and believes that other people are dependent on him.
He has a responsibility to himself, to his brother, to our family.
And in the world of Autism....that's huge.

Spring has sprung

the bubbles are out.
long walks past bedtime.
discovery happening everywhere.
spring has sprung at our house.
How about yours?

yeah he's mine

So often people see my sons and say they are spitting images of their father. Keep in mind my boys look completely different from each other, one blonde and brown eyed and the other brunette with blue eyes. I think this gender identification is pretty typical of people to say, if I had a girl I'm sure people would say she looked like me and Jon would be feeling the way I do. Do I find it annoying? A tad. I mean I was a part of their creation too. Don't I get dibs on something?

And then it happens...you see a part of you, a part that maybe you never noticed before. The boys recently had a "photo shoot" with their very talented Uncle Ryan and he got a lot of great candid shots of them being just simply them. And this is the shot...the one that I never noticed before...Logan has my stand out pinky! My sister and I both have pinky fingers that stand out naturally away from the rest of our fingers. Now I wonder if her daughters have our pinky's too.

A new beginning.

April is Autism Awareness Month

Too often I believe parents are scared of the diagnosis. When Logan was diagnosed it was because I was determined to have someone help me learn how to parent my child. The diagnosis gave me the ability to understand autism and it opened a window into my child's mind.

I have learned so much about the human spirit by being Logan's mom. I believe that my heart has gotten bigger and my level of kindness and tolerance has doubled. It's hard not to. Logan isn't equipped with filters. He is honest about everything, the concept of lying or telling "little white lies" is lost on him. He says what he thinks. I am learning authenticity from him. When he hugs you or tells you that he loves you it isn't because it's out of habit or because he knows it will make you feel better. It's genuine. It's honest. It's his truth.

If you've ever talked to a child on the spectrum about something that interests them, it's as if they know everything about it. And they do. When Logan finds a new interest he dives head first into it and seems to not come up for air for quite a while. We live and breathe that topic for weeks, sometimes months. He's had quite a few phases, butterflies, superheros (and still is) but I believe it started with trains. This was one of my first "ah-ha" moments of realizing that Logan was different from his peers. While the other little boys were just as fascinated with Thomas the Train, Logan's fascination reached a deeper level. He only wanted to read books about trains, he had every Thomas episode memorized word for word and would reenact them on his train table with his actual trains. Now if you give Logan the information in a way that his brain can understand he digests the knowledge at rapid speed. My mom bought him a plastic human body,a toy that you can dissect, possibly the coolest Christmas gift to date and Logan is completely engrossed in learning about the human body. We talk at length about bones and how food travels through our bodies. How brains work and here is the big one...how HIS brain works. He's becoming more and more aware of his differences as he gets older. And it's quite remarkable the adjustments he is making in order to live in this non-autistic world. Noise is a huge issue for him and for a while he would wear earmuffs, even in July at 100 degrees, if the noise was more than he could tolerate. Now instead of earmuffs he has decided that having long hair filters out the noise. It's amazing to me that he can tell the difference in his hearing from short hair to long hair. Think about that for a second. As a woman who's had long hair I honestly can't tell you that I noticed the difference in sound on days I wore a ponytail and on days when I didn't. The long hair I think is here to stay for awhile, he's using it to help him navigate his day to day. We were going through pictures and came across one of a horse and carriage in NYC and Logan was fascinated with the gear the horse was wearing. I explained to him why the horse has blinders on and he almost immediately made the connection of his hair in his face and how that is like blinders for him. Remarkable huh?

I'm not going to lie...I believe it's harder at times to parent a child on the spectrum than a nuero-typical child, I have both so I feel free to say that. But having a child on the spectrum in your life opens your eyes to all that you have been missing, or never took the time to notice. Logan has helped me grow as a person and I am so forever thankful to be his mommy.

Different can be pretty remarkable if you just take the time to understand it.

22 things I've learned as a mother

I saw this post on Stacy Julian's blog and she saw it on Amy Krose Rosenthal's blog....and the chain continues. Amy created this cute little movie about the 22 things she's learned from being a mother. I love these exercises! I love taking a moment and reflecting, in this case on motherhood and what I have learned. Take Stacy's advice and make your list before reading mine, it is quite amazing the similar things we have all learned.

1. A peanut butter and jelly sandwich paired with a chocolate chip cookie really is the perfect meal.
2. Everyone could use an attitude readjustment every now and then.
3. Children deserve to be given choices, you may just have to remind them to "choose wisely" (a phrase I say to my 4 year old on a daily basis)
4. Water is therapeutic.
5. Pipe cleaners supply hours of entertainment.
6. Paint on your clothes is a sign of being SUPER creative.
7. It's only furniture, walls, carpet. They can be replaced. A joyful childhood can't.
8. Follow through. Say what you mean and be willing to follow through with that.
9. Sponge Bob band-aids are much cooler than plain ones.
10. Have a snack in your bag "just in case"
11. It's just hair!
12. Be careful what you promise, some kids remember EVERYTHING!
13. I really do have eyes in the back of my head.
14. The most relaxing place on earth is holding a baby to your chest, lips resting on their fuzzy head, inhaling their perfect baby smell and swaying back and forth.
15. The 3 second rule applies to everything, even ice cream.
16. Anything...absolutely anything can be turned into a gun.
17. Naps are always better when you curl up with someone you love on the sofa.
18. No one looks at your child's clothes and thinks less of you because of the outfit they have chosen to wear.
19. Dress up clothes can be worn anywhere and should! Nothing brings more smiles and kindness to strangers faces than seeing Superman in their grocery store.
20. Slow down. Discovery happens when you are quiet and still and allow the butterfly to land on your shoulder.
21. Having a moment with a special friend is better than a BIG party.
22. Give enough time for a person to respond, some people process slower than others.

Lines across my face...

My birthday is approaching, it gets me thinking about age and what it means to me. Every year past thirty I ask myself some questions...Am I holding on to this number or am I going forward? Am I at that point where I just never mention how old I am, let people assume I'm in my 30's? This all may seem silly to you, a tad superficial. This is my honest truth. What aging is to me may be issues with your thighs/soft tummy to you. We all have our "thing" right?

I love the lyrics to Brandi Carlile's song "The Story",
"All of these lines across my face.
Tell you the story of who I am.
So many stories of where I've been.
And how I got to where I am.
But these stories don't mean anything
when you've got no one to tell them to.
It's true, I belong to you."

Where did these lines come from? I don't remember when they appeared. It probably happened when I was changing an exploded diaper at 3am or when one of my beautiful boys sang me a song and I cried tears of pure joy because his voice was so sweet and that moment was the best gift God could give me or when I climbed a hill on my bike encouraging myself to go on or when my best friend, Jabby, made me laugh so hard and so loud it cleared a subway car.

I'm trying to learn how to embrace each line on my face. As Brandi so beautifully sings they do "tell you the story of who I am". Don't get me wrong...I'm not ruling out an eye lift in my 60's quite yet. :)
But instead of focusing energy on a number, instead I'm in a state of reflection. Taking note of all the amazing things I've done over the past year and the plans I have for the year ahead of me.
It's going to be one amazing ride!

And these lines across my face, they are the map of my life.

Converted Morning Person

I've always called myself a night owl, I come from a long line of them. I'm the girl who can close down a bar, stay up with you till wee hours in the morning watching "Friends" marathon on a Friday night, or until recently, crafting late into the evening. Making use of those special hours when no one calls me Mommy.
I've never been a morning person. People would comment that I'd become one once I had kids. Nope, never happened. And now in only week two of being at work I find myself enjoying getting up at 5am before anyone else in the house. Hearing the sounds of the boys dreaming in their beds. I'm enjoying the quiet, the stillness. Dharma (the dog) has also been enjoying our morning walks, barking/howling as we walk out the door so that everyone within a block radius knows that she is up and out for her walk. I often wonder what the neighbors think about this, if they are cursing us or using us as their alarm clock. When the world is so still random people become part of your routine. You notice things that later in the day you wouldn't give a second of your attention to. The construction worker backing his big, pickup truck out of his driveway has become part of our routine. The man in the mini van with the squeaky tires who picks up the local dogs for doggie daycare has become part of our walk. And now Dharma and I have become a part of theirs. I pass a house with an old lady in a housecoat sitting in her living room, she's one of the only houses with lights on, she just sits and stares out the window. I wonder how long she remains that way. If it's just how she likes to start her day or if she's lonely and watching the neighbors has become her entertainment. One day last week I waved as we passed her house and her face lit up and she waved her thin, arthritic hand furiously in return. Today I got out of the house a tad bit later than our normal time and when I approached the old lady's house I noticed she was sitting on the edge of her wing back chair craning her neck in the direction from which we approach. I smiled and waved and I couldn't help but notice how her face relaxed when she saw us, almost a sign of relief. It brought a tear to my eye because soon we will be moving and it hurts my heart to know that this old lady, this stranger, will miss us. Dharma and I have become a part of her morning and she has become a part of mine. I'll miss that.
The picture is by Megan Rhodes. Please visit her etsy shop if you'd like to purchase this stunning print.

Cha-Cha-Changes

After 6 years of being a Stay at Home Mom, I have decided to go back to work. I landed this awesome job with a non-profit, my official title (ahem) is Development Coordinator. I have my own office with a door and a window!!! I feel like such a "grown up"! As you can see from the picture I had to add a little bit of craft to my new home away from home.
I've surprised myself on how easy it has been for me to jump back into the office world. I thought I would tear up when I kissed the kids goodbye at daycare, but I haven't. I am honestly giddy. I'm excited to work on projects that stimulate a part of my brain that hasn't been used for a while.
The boys are adjusting remarkably well. There are a lot of changes on the horizon for our family. On a daily basis I am reminding myself to be in the moment even on the dark days, to embrace and know in my heart of hearts that the universe will provide and happiness will reign.

Caden's Quilt

Don't you hate it when you make something and then totally forget to take pictures of it before wrapping it up and delivering it to the one you love? Doesn't this happen to everyone? It happens to me more often than I would like to admit but luckily I have some faboo friends who send me pictures of the item I made, and in this case it's my oldest friend Cindy's sweet boy Caden and the quilt I made for him. Isn't he just the cutest thing ever?!?!

Star of the Day

At Zane's current preschool he was the "Star of the Day" yesterday. He has been looking forward to this for months! When his original date was canceled because of the snow...oh it was a sad, sad day in our house. The general idea of the "Star of the Day", as I understand it, is to bring pictures and something special to share with the class. Basically your own personal show and tell. Zane just thrives in this type of spotlight...wonder where he got that from?
Well this crafty mama could not send her Star out into the world without a little crafty goodness to share. I made him his own scrapbook to share with the class. In it are pictures of the people in his family, a picture of Seattle (where he was born, it's very impressive to 4 year olds who have never rode on an airplane) and pictures of Zane doing things he likes to do...you know hold bugs and build sandcastles. He also got to take his very special stuffed animal/blanket, Tigger, and all day he got to carry Tigger around in school. This might have been the best part for Zane.
I made his scrapbook exactly how I made those little books for the kid's in Logan's class after our field trip.