Gretchen Schock and Dana Flynn
The vibrations from the other voices in the room lifted me
up while we were singing a chant in Sanskrit. One woman’s voice sang higher;
hers has been given the gift of being able to harmonize with the other voices. We
are yoga teachers from all over the world who came together at the Yoga Journal Conference in NYC. Sitting semi circle
around master teacher Dana Trixie Flynn (co-owner of Laughing Lotus Yoga Center), as she spoke of inspiration and creativity.
She told a story of how she wants to sing in more of her
classes but it’s the thing she fears the most. It’s hard to believe when
looking at this woman that she has any fears. Half sleeve tattoos on one arm,
spikey brunette hair; she speaks with such fire and intensity.
“As teachers we need to allow ourselves to be
vulnerable, to try something new”, Dana says to the enthusiastic faces that
surround her. Many of us smile, whether the other women also share her
fear of public singing… I don’t know. But I smiled because I suffer with
allowing myself to be vulnerable.
Once on our feet her class felt like a dance. My body moved
in ways that it hasn’t in a long time. I closed my eyes; I could see the fire
of dance inside me being rekindled. My thumbs tucked in, a habit I’ve never
been able to break in my yoga practice but this time it didn’t matter. A vision
of Madame Petrov, a ballet instructor from college, flashed in my head. “You catching
a ride?”, she would say with a thick French accent to students in dance class
who’s thumbs were sticking up in the air. It doesn’t matter that every time we
lift a leg high in the air that my feet are perfectly pointed from years of
being a dancer.
“Allow your practice to be an extension of your
creativity.”, Dana says as she walks by me placing her hands on my lower back
while in downward dog- pushing me further into my pose. Dana taught the class a few made up poses that derive from
the Laughing Lotus Flow that is taught in her studios, “deep down inside” and
“OMG!”. The Laughing Lotus poses connect to traditional yoga poses so that we
flowed on our mats in a dance formation.
My body screamed- YES! YES!! YES!!
My vinyasa flow began to look like a modern dance. Nina Simone
and other powerful voices crooned through the speakers and Dana continued to
lead the room of women like a master conductor. Fueling each of our fires,
letting go of our egos, we allowed ourselves to feel the connection.
Throughout the class Dana is speaking about unleashing the
creativity of our inner teacher. At times I’m present and listening to her and
then all I can hear is my body celebrating the movement.
Movements I’ve done probably thousands of times suddenly it
felt connected to my soul, my spirit. At the beginning of the class Dana
mentioned that many teachers loose sight of their practice. We are all so busy
teaching that we don’t make time to roll out the mat. This is true for me right
now.
“You need to make the time; get up early and do it!”, Dana’s
voice rises higher as her fist pushes through the air. “It is our connection to source. That light is channeling
through us and as teachers we go and share that in our classes.” I’ve lost sight of this, as many other women in the room
expressed the same frustration.
As my body moved, the connection to source happened. My Cobra was a surrender and in Camel I literally felt my heart open. It was
effortless, which Camel has never been for me. I came out of it with grace and
moved into a balancing side crane with extended legs for the very first time!
I’ve been practicing this pose for months and today was the day when I was
truly connected, that everything was in alignment.
We moved through a series of poses, at times you could only
hear the breath of the women in the room. We reached our summit, our bodies in
celebration we begin our descent towards the ground, lying on our stomachs. I
can’t lie on my stomach yet from the core needle biopsy performed the previous
week. Propping myself up on my elbows
and drawing my chin to my chest I get a glimpse of the bruises on my left
breast and I exhale, instantly feeling deflated. I tune out the music, to Dana
and my mind races through breast cancer scenarios. I’ve been able to avoid
thinking of breast cancer for the last three days and now here it is …feeling
like it’s smacking me in the face!
How will a mastectomy/lumpectomy change how I teach yoga? I
like the way I teach, I like that my classes are challenging. Will a breast
surgery force me into the world of gentle yoga? The thought of that makes my
heart sink.
“You have everything already inside you.”, Dana says while
leading us through our final vinyasa. My body is no longer in a celebration
mode, my movements seem tired and my spirit has been shifted.
Laying in Shavasana, there was a break in the music and Dana
says it again: “You have everything.” She pauses and then continues, “You have
everything already inside you. Allow your practice to change. Allow IT to
change your practice.” It was if God was speaking through her, instantly tears
stream down my cheeks. I get it!!!! Allow breast cancer to change my practice. I’ve been
assuming that it will lead me into gentle yoga classes with senior citizens.
But I never thought that it could change my practice for the better! Or that it
would open new doors for me with other women who have experienced breast
tumors.
My breath is steady but the tears continue to slip from my
lids and slide down the side of my face dropping onto my mat. I have an out of
body experience- in my minds eye I am looking down at myself laying on my yoga
mat in a room full of women and from my ribs to my head is basked in light, I
am glowing.
“Roll onto your side.”
I am instantly pulled back into the present moment. As
instructed I come to half lotus, wiping my eyes, Dana and I make eye contact
and I half smile. She gives me a look of compassion while continuing to finish
the class. We sing one final chant. I can barely get through it without crying.
Hands at prayer…Namaste…we bow.
It’s as if there is an invisible line pulling us to each
other, I go to Dana and her to me. She embraces me and whispers in my ear, “It’s
okay.” I pull out of the embrace but she continues to hold me close so that we
are face to face, her arms are wrapped behind my back. Being in this position
forces me to look her in the eye. I inhale.
“Last week I was diagnosed with a breast tumor. And it’s
likely I’ll be having surgery…I just don’t know what kind. Possible
mastectomy.”
“Oh sweetie-“ she draws me into an embrace again whispering
in my ear “You are going to be-“ In my head she said “great”, a phrase I say daily to my children as they head off to school, but in reality I’m sure she
says “fine”.
This is God doing her magic again.
My voice quivering, “I’ve been so caught up in how breast
cancer is going to change my practice but thank you, your class really spoke to
me- to allow IT to fuel the change. The change could be spectacular! Thank you!
Thank YOU!”
She kisses my cheek and holds me for a few more seconds
before we both release the embrace.
I gather my belongings while other students surround her.
I feel lighter.
I feel connected to God, to source, in a way that I haven’t
in a really long time. Thank you Dana Trixie Flynn for being the instrument.
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