Adoption from Foster Care- our journey

Well intentioned people who hear that we are adopting an older child from foster care have referred to the kids in foster care as “broken” or “damaged”. Those words don’t sit well within me. These kids are not a broken toy or a damaged shirt from spilled hot sauce on taco night. We aren’t going to “fix this child”. Instead I like to think of our decision to adopt an older child as offering a child a safe place to land. I imagine that their lives feel really unsteady most of the time and I hope a child coming into our home finds a safe place to be themselves, a place where they can let their guard down, a place where they can breathe a little easier because life doesn’t feel so stressful anymore.  

Of course we intend to provide love and understanding. But more importantly we want to offer a child a safe space to heal and grow and the opportunity to become something different. As we read children's extended profiles it seems as though the course of their life is already mapped out for them; the grandparents have a history with Child Protective Services, their parents were foster kids who got pregnant or were incarcerated. And all too often drugs, alcohol and poverty are the underlining themes to each story. It’s a generational problem being passed down. And we are hoping to offer a child an opportunity to change the course of their life. 

I’ve heard my children retell a story that they have heard their father tell of something traumatic that happened to him when he was five years old. When the story comes out of my children’s mouths they make it sound like it happened yesterday when in fact it’s a thirty-five year old story. Immediately I am annoyed that my children can recite the story word for word as I have heard my ex-husband tell it numerous times. I take a deep breath, “That is your father’s story to tell and hold on to for dear life, it isn’t yours. It doesn’t shape you. Stop telling it! It isn’t yours to tell and instead focus your energy on telling your story, tell people your dreams, share a story of kindness that has impacted your life.” 

I went on to explain to them that the things that happen to you in your life shapes your story but it doesn’t define you. People chose to hold on to experiences and expect others to accept it as a definition of who they are or why they act a certain way. But that isn’t the truth. 

The truth is our experiences shape us but they don’t define us.

I haven’t heard either of them tell the story since I stopped them in their tracks that day and said that to them. And I hope that the child coming into our family also learns that the choices that his birth parents made has shaped his life but it doesn’t define who he is going to be in the world. Because greatness is right around the corner. You aren’t broken. You aren’t damaged. You just haven’t been given a safe place to land. A home is waiting for you.

Mummy Halloween Costume

My children's elementary school has a storybook parade on Halloween day. Children are encouraged to dress up like their favorite character from a book. As a working mom I didn't have the time to create a costume for school and a costume to wear out trick or treating. Nor did I want to spend the money on two costumes so whatever they choose for school needed to also work for trick or treating. 

At the time my oldest wanted to be a mummy so we found a book at our library that had the word "Mummy" in the title and was on his reading level at that time, we read it and then made this very simple costume. I picked up a yard of white cotton fabric at my local craft store and cut it into wide strips. I then sewed the strips onto a white long sleeve t-shirt and sweatpants. Being sure to leave some of the fabric strips hanging loose so that he looked as though he was coming undone. I then took the remaining white fabric and wrapped it loosely around his head to complete his mummy costume. Simple and it only took a night to complete.
 Book: Icky Ricky #1: Toilet Paper Mummy
(Here is a link to the Finn Hat post.)  

Adopting through Foster Care

The journey of adoption is exciting, frustrating, hopeful and heartbreaking. It’s a myriad of emotions being thrown at you daily. There are so many ups and downs and though you and your spouse are going through this amazing experience, right now it feels very lonely. Don’t get me wrong, we have an incredibly supportive family and a huge network of friends in our community cheering us on in person and virtually. But daily there are so many emails and phone calls that we can’t talk about because of privacy issues and that we don’t want to talk about because we don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up since we know that that particular child won’t be joining our family.

We are in what they call “the matching process”, which means we are daily looking at websites where social workers all over the United States post information about children in foster care who’s parent’s rights have been terminated. The websites have pictures and a small amount of information about the child and sometimes a video of the child being interviewed (think of the Wednesday’s Child segment that you’ve seen on the news). After reading the child’s profile and feeling as though that child would be a good fit for our family, based on this limited information, we then inquire about the child. The child’s social worker receives our home study and then we wait to hear if we would be a good fit for this child. The waiting is hard as waiting often is. But the rejection is even harder. The blanket statement “You were not selected for this child” that we receive via email, leaves us asking BUT WHY? Why did they not pick us? Aren’t we good enough? That child seemed like they would fit well in our family! Maybe we should tell them more about us that wasn’t in our home study…..

The whirlwind begins in your mind and then you take a deep breath and center yourself. You tap back into your truth. And you know that the social worker didn’t chose your family because there was another family that fit the child better. We trust that these amazing, hardworking people who see and hear things on a daily basis that would make you burst in tears and want to cover your eyes…they know what is best for this child. It’s not personal. But it feels that way in the moment. 

Daily I am thankful for my meditation practice. When this experience seems overwhelming and it feels as though my heart can’t hold anymore hurt in one day, I sit and close my eyes and breathe. I tune back into my breath and focus simply on inhaling and exhaling. I let my mind go clear and then I pray. I pray to the Divine that our new child will find us and join our family. That our house will continue to be filled with laughter and love. And to give us the courage to continue to be open and compassionate beings on a daily basis.

Regal Summer Movies Series 2016

Don't forget about the Regal Summer Movies series!

Only a $1 per person.

Both movies play each day at 10am on Tuesdays and Wednesdays all summer long. It's a great way to see some of your favorite movies on the big screen. Mark your calendars!

Gluten Free Eggplant Pizza

I'm really trying to eat everything in our fridge before it goes bad. It sometimes means that I am less than thrilled to make dinner. Living in the bottom vegetable drawer of our fridge was an eggplant. Don't get me wrong I like eggplant, it is okay. It's not my favorite but it came in our veggie box delivery and it has to be eaten. I scoured Pinterest for recipes that didn't involve a lot of prep work and would possibly get my kids to eat this eggplant as well.

I found this recipe from Clean Food Crush and decided to tweaked it for my family. We only had cheddar cheese in the fridge so that was what I used and it tasted delicious. Also I added more cheese than she did because I wanted my kids to eat it. And let me be honest with you...in order for vegetables to cross my children's lips without them gagging as if I am trying to kill them with poison...it must be covered with cheese. I am happy to report that both of my kids ate a slice without complaint. HUGE WIN FOR ME!!!!

Here is what you'll need:

• 1 eggplant, sliced to the size of a fingernail's width.
• Cheese of your choosing, shredded
• Salt and pepper, to taste
• Dried basil
• 1 can of diced tomatoes or pre-made marinara sauce
• Garlic salt or diced garlic, whatever you have in the cupboards

To make the sauce:
I put a can of diced tomatoes in the Ninja blender with a ½ tablespoon of diced garlic (the refrigerated jar kind) and a splash of dried basil. A few quick spurts and it was ready.

Preheat oven to 430.
Place eggplant slices on a cookie sheet that has been sprayed with oil. Top each eggplant slice with the sauce and cheese. Simply eyeball it and keep in mind it's supposed to look like pizza, so you don't want the eggplant swimming in sauce. Bake for 25 minutes and serve immediately.
For the adults I added dried basil to the top of each slice as well, but not for the kids. I think you can guess what their reaction would have been. :)

Facebook Reminds You

You know how Facebook pops up memories into your news feed from years ago? Suddenly before your eyes you see where your life once was, a memory that you might want to share to remind everyone else that you know that time is passing way too fast! Today the picture in my newsfeed was of my boys as babies.
Babies! 
It's hard to imagine that they were once small enough to hold and sit on my lap now that both of them are almost if not over 5 feet tall.

So much has changed and yet there are moments in our daily lives that haven't changed at all. Logan, my oldest child who is on the Autism Spectrum, is now in middle school. We have the same script as we are about to depart each other as we did when he was in kindergarten. In elementary school I stood at the top of the hallway, Logan refused to be dropped off with the rest of the kids in the front of the building, which was OK by me as I enjoyed having that last moment together just as much as he did. We had a routine that we did everyday. Memorized lines we would say to one another. It made him feel "safe" he told me once. We would stop at the mural and I would kneel down for a hug and kiss. I'd use that moment to remind him of something in his backpack that he needed to give his teacher, practice his clues one more time for his Friday mystery bag item etc, etc.  
I then would say "Have a great day sweetie", he would reply "OK take care of Dharma and Zane for me." 
"Okay I will", I would respond.
On one particular day he turned to walk down the hall, waving his left hand goodbye but not looking at me... as he did every school day. But this time he turned around, tears in his eyes and ran back to me on the verge of completely breaking down.
"You didn't say it Mommy!!! You didn't say it!!"
I was scanning my lines in my head as if I was on center stage and the spotlight was on me and everyone was waiting for me to deliver my line....

"You're going to be great!"

A huge smile then spread across his face. A deep sigh of relief. He turned to leave again.
I call out, "You're going to be great Logan! You always will be."
"I know, Mom. Thanks!"

Our script hasn't changed all that much, instead of standing at the mural I stand at the bus stop. And instead of saying "Take care of Dharma and Zane" he says "Have a good yoga class, Mom.", marking my transition from Stay At Home Mom to Working Mom. Today as he stepped on the first step of the bus, waving his left hand goodbye but not looking at me he paused and turned towards me. I smiled at him instantly acknowledging how grown he looks now and said, "You're going to be great!" A smile spread across his face and instead of his usual line "I know, Mom." He said "You are too." Thanks Logan. Sometimes we moms need to hear it too. 

For all you moms out there parenting kids on the spectrum; memorizing scripts, living by routines and wishing your child would eat something new.

"You're going to be great!"

Autism- Classroom Expectations

Something that most of us think of as so simple is often times really hard for a child on the Autism Spectrum. We are taught from Kindergarten through college and even beyond that when you have a question in a classroom type of setting to raise your hand and wait to be called upon.

Children on the spectrum struggle with multi-step directions. In the classroom, first they are trying to process all of the stimuli going on in the room. The smells and sounds of the other children, the hum of the overhead fluorescent lights, the feel of the seat under them, not to mention the temperature of the room, the volume at which the teacher is speaking and the general clutter of the classroom walls displaying student's artwork or motivational pictures.

The next challenge for kids on the spectrum is to pay attention to what the teacher is talking about, it's so easy for them to become distracted by all the other stimuli going on in the room. Then when the teacher asks a question, for them to be able to remember to raise their hand after first thinking of the answer is a challenge for these kids. My son, who is on the Autism Spectrum and is in a mainstream classroom, often times will not raise his hand even though he knows the answer to the question. I snapped this picture of him during a classroom sharing circle several years ago, the teacher had asked the kids: "Raise your hand if you are excited about winter break!"

Every year I like to sit in the back of the classroom and simply observe Logan in his environment before a scheduled IEP (Individualized Education Plan) meeting. That way I have a general understanding of what a day looks like for him. If you have a child with an IEP, I highly recommend sitting in on his/her classroom for the entire day. See what your child is like with your own eyes so that you have a better understanding when the teachers are sharing with you their observations at the IEP meeting. You might leave the classroom with ideas for the teacher that might help to keep your child engaged in learning or accomplish other goals listed in their IEP.

Autism- Finding Friends in Unexpected Places

My oldest son, Logan, is on the Autism Spectrum and children on the spectrum have a really hard time making friends. They are socially delayed and typically don't understand social cues that everyone else seems to understand naturally. For example; looking a person in the eye, asking a question to keep the conversation going or simply greeting the person you know when you see them.

We continue to work on these social cues year after year. Hoping that someday he'll make a friend and want to have playdates like his younger brother does with his friends. We found a community for Logan in a very unexpected place: Yu-Gi-Oh tournaments. A local comic book store hosts Yu-gi-oh tournaments every month and the room is packed with (mostly) boys of various ages who enjoy playing Yu-gi-oh. 

This is where my son can shine in his Autism! It's okay that he's rattling off stats of various cards to everyone who sits in front of him, they want to hear it! It's alright that he isn't looking them in the eye because they are playing a game that requires you to look at your cards. He can stand when everyone else is sitting, he can walk on his toes, he can chew on his tongue...none of this matters because he is playing a game that the room of kids are interested in playing. And for once no one notices his Autism. Several times I have observed my son in this environment and welled up with tears because finally after so many "failed" experiences in extra-curricular activities that he couldn't do or wasn't coordinated enough or didn't have the attention span for.... finally he fits in! I have such gratitude for this amazing little community, the open-mindedness of the kids who attend and for the owners of the store for creating this very welcoming environment! 

If you live in Maryland check out the Dream Wizards store.

Create Your Own Pokemon Card - Pokemon Birthday Party

My youngest son went through a Pokemon phase. He clung to that deck of cards in his little hand and could rattle off facts about the damage and attacks each character could do. He would spend so much time just staring at the cards, flipping through his deck and wishfully talking about the cards he hoped to get for his birthday or from Santa. 

We decided to throw him a Pokemon themed birthday party. We don't do "friend" birthday parties every year because my son was blessed with having to compete with Independence day for his birthday and scheduling gets difficult. So I wanted to go all out BUT while maintaining a reasonable budget for a kid's birthday party. Also Known As- I wanted to be frugal!  

For the Pokemon party I needed to come up with ways to entertain a group of kids who may or may not be interested in Pokemon themselves. Several of the kids, thankfully, were really into it but a few had never even seen the cards before. So I created games and crafts that everyone would enjoy.

Create Your Own Pokemon Card- great activity while you wait for other kids to show up to the party.
Here is what you will need to recreate this craft:

• Pencils.
• Save this image to your computer and print out on white card stock, then cut out.

Pokemon Seek and Find Game - Pokemon Birthday Party

My youngest son went through a Pokemon phase. He clung to that deck of cards in his little hand and could rattle off facts about the damage and attacks each character could do. He would spend so much time just staring at the cards, flipping through his deck and wishfully talking about the cards he hoped to get for his birthday or from Santa.

We decided to throw him a Pokemon themed birthday party. We don't do "friend" birthday parties every year because my son was blessed with having to compete with Independence day for his birthday and scheduling gets difficult. So I wanted to go all out BUT while maintaining a reasonable budget for a kid's birthday party. Also Known As- I wanted to be frugal!  

For the Pokemon party I needed to come up with ways to entertain a group of kids who may or may not be interested in Pokemon themselves. Several of the kids, thankfully, were really into it but a few had never even seen the cards before. So I created games and crafts that everyone would enjoy.

Pokemon Seek and Find Game: kinda like Where's Waldo

How we played the game, I put several cards out for all the children to see and take turns having in front of them. The idea was to find all of the characters on the cards. Whoever found them all first was the winner. This was a great game because I didn't have to be present to help them do it, I was able to sneak off to the kitchen and prepare the cake and ice-cream.  

What you'll need for this game: 

Pokemon Cards: I purchased a huge lot of Pokemon cards off of eBay for super cheap, I didn't care how good the characters on the cards were I just wanted a lot of them for all of my games.

Pencils.

Print out a picture like one of these on plain office paper. I'm going to warn you- you will need to make sure that the cards you plan on showing to the kids to find are actually in the picture. This takes time on your part before the actual party, but I will say it is totally worth it. The game will guarantee you at least 30 minutes of quiet playing where children are not destroying your house! http://static.giantbomb.com/uploads/original/8/88189/2458615-all+the+pokemon+ever.jpeg 

or 

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-0OOcDmE8Sl2o5t2ycupjYQq-_GNmW1jgVCcohsqKscZ4C7Bo3y5gDY03prMNPqR7aV-0jXX_7okxER9oPRAGdzZ2Dj_ax050TcrL9VOAKbt5_Piz_jn3i8A_kCXQq6Qjf5dWo0OaSDQ/s1600/6e9647dd2ed49c62145db02902c9fe0c-d3fvvj8.jpg 

or
http://www.pageresource.com/wallpapers/wallpaper/pokemon-and-new-list-runpict_643851.jpg

Don't forget to check out the Pokemon Shooter Game too!

Pokemon Shooter Game- A Spin on Pin the Tail on the Donkey!

My youngest son went through a Pokemon phase. He clung to that deck of cards in his little hand and could rattle off facts about the damage and attacks each character could do. He would spend so much time just staring at the cards, flipping through his deck and wishfully talking about the cards he hoped to get for his birthday or from Santa. 

We decided to throw him a Pokemon themed birthday party. We don't do "friend" birthday parties every year because my son was blessed with having to compete with Independence day for his birthday and scheduling gets difficult. So I wanted to go all out BUT while maintaining a reasonable budget for a kid's birthday party. Also Known As- I wanted to be frugal!  

For the Pokemon party I needed to come up with ways to entertain a group of kids who may or may not be interested in Pokemon themselves. Several of the kids, thankfully, were really into it but a few had never even seen the cards before. So I created games and crafts that everyone would enjoy.

Pokemon Shooter Game- A Spin on Pin the Tail on the Donkey!

We've all played "Pin the tail on the Donkey" well this is similar in that you are going at it blind. 

Here is what you will need to recreate this game:

• Pokemon Cards: I purchased a huge lot of Pokemon cards off of eBay for super cheap, I didn't care how good the characters on the cards were I just wanted a lot of them for all of my games.
• Water guns: purchased at the dollar store, enough to have for each kid to use for the game but to then take home with them as part of their party favor as well.
• Wine corks: with a bread knife cut slits into one of the ends of the cork, then slide a card into each one and set up several on a card table out in the yard. 
• Card table.
• Bandanna or scarf to blindfold.

I prepped the game by having all the water guns filled and in a beach bucket so we would be ready to play without delays. If you've ever thrown a kid party you know how important it is to keep things moving without a pause....so important! I reused the same corks and simply slid the cards into them on the next person's turn.

The Game: Once the child is blindfolded and spun three times, he/she has to listen to the other children to tell him where to shoot. Basically the other children are his/her eyes. Whatever cards the child knocks over in thirty seconds they get to keep those cards. So for kids who are collectors they were thrilled and for the kids who weren't, they were so excited to have a nice assortment of cards. 

The kids loved this game and we played several rounds before they wanted to just refill the water guns and shoot at each other while they ran around the yard.

Pinwheels- using your scrapbook paper stash

This turned out to be a really fun craft that all of the Bee Yoga Fusion YogaKids enjoyed. What I wasn't able to capture was all the kids running around the playground with their pinwheels held high over their heads trying to get their pinwheel to spin faster by running faster! Brilliant activity to get the kids up and moving! I conducted this craft with children in kindergarten through second grade. My YogaKids are seasoned crafters and have exceptional fine motor skills, please be mindful that this craft involves sharp objects and children must be monitored the entire time while doing the craft. 

For each pinwheel you will need:

• Wine cork
• Wooden skewer
• 1 bead
• 1 sewing needle (The kind with the ball at the end, used for pinning the fabric)
• 8x8 square piece of scrapbook paper
• Scissors and a pencil

Have the child fold their paper into a triangle by bringing to points together, make the crease and then unfold. Do it again for the other side then unfold. You should have a giant X made by the creases on the paper. Have the child draw a circle in the very center of the paper no bigger than a quarter. Cut on the line of each crease from the end of the paper to the circle and stop. 

To assemble the pinwheel, an adult will need to push the skewer into the side of the wine cork. You may need to begin the hole with a hole starter like you would in a wall depending on how dry the cork is. 

Moving on to the paper, grab a point and draw it into the center, skip a point and then bring the next point into the center. Continue in this manner until you are back where you started. Poke the sewing needle into the center of all the point tips at the center of your paper and through the main paper as well at the center of the original giant X. Your needle should be poking out of the back of the paper, place a bead on the needle and then gently push the needle into the wine cork. 

You are done!

Of course the pinwheel is made of paper and this should go without saying but if left outside on a rainy night it will be ruined. This is a wonderful activity to do with kids of a broad age just remember that there is a needle involved so you may want to assemble it for younger kids and watch them closely while playing with it. Older children will love the independance of being allowed to create something using sharp objects and the finished pinwheels bring out the kid in all of us.   

Creating Memories & A Marvelous Adventure

I married an incredible woman, she's truly spectacular. But the added bonus of our marriage is that I also got this amazing additional family to boot! I have been blessed with an incredible mother-in-law. Seriously, this woman has the most giving and thoughtful heart. She has welcomed the boys and I into her family with arms wide open and for that I am truly thankful.

GranMarti, as she is called by the grandkids, started a tradition that honestly all grandparents should consider doing with their grandchildren. When the grandchild turns ten she takes them on a "______(Child's name)______ & GranMarti's Marvelous Adventure". The adventure has to have an educational bent to it, which is open to interpretation. A simple weekend away to explore and focus on celebrating the child's birthday and their relationship with GranMarti. Of course the weekend wouldn't be complete without lots of additional treats and ice cream! 

My youngest son, Zane, loves animals. Especially cats. His Marvelous Adventure was created entirely with his interests in mind and was presented to him many months in advance to get him excited about the trip but also to allow him to prepare for it. He would be traveling to three separate animal rescues and at each rescue he had the option of sponsoring an animal. For months he saved his money, storing each dollar earned in an envelope marked for the Marvelous Adventure with also a monetary countdown of how much he and GranMarti determined that he's expected to contribute to the sponsorship.   

Their first stop was Safe Haven for Cats in Raleigh NC.

This was one of the cleanest animal rescues that I have ever been to. There were 90 cats in this location and you couldn't smell a one! The volunteers and staff were wonderful, allowing Zane to get into the large enclosures to play with the cats and patiently answering his questions, "which cats are the hardest to get adopted?" (Answer: black), "how long do cats live here?" (Answer- depends on adoptability whether cat has special needs or age). We weren't aware that Zane's questions were his way of processing, in his mind, which cat he wanted to sponsor. He decided, on his own, that he wanted to sponsor Parker. Parker is an older cat that is labeled "special needs" because he has a heart condition that requires medication and a special diet. All of which makes it nearly impossible to find a forever family for him. As Zane told me his reasoning for picking Parker, I welled up with tears. He is such a compassionate little person and I truly believe having a brother with "special needs" has shaped him into the person he is and will continue to become.    

The next stop was Carolina Tiger Rescue outside of Raleigh, NC.

This place was incredible! I recommend everyone go and take a tour. We learned so much in the two-hour walking tour. For example - tigers LOVE the smell of Axe body spray! Volunteers spray telephone books with Axe body spray for the tigers, one of the many ways that they provide stimulation to the tigers within their enclosures. The rescue has a variety of big and small cats that each have a heartbreaking story of how they came to live there. Several are from Texas and Florida where it is legal to have a tiger as a pet! Their stories are similar to the ones that dogs and cats at your local animal rescue would tell, the owners had good intentions but didn't do their research on the breed, the demand, the time, cost and care that it takes to have this animal as a pet. 

The final destination was a Sea Turtle Rescue and Rehabilitation Center.

Zane and GranMarti learned about sea turtles and the various predicaments that would cause a turtle to spend time in this establishment. Here Zane decided to sponsor a turtle who had frostbite on his shell. This turtle had been at the rescue already for several months and the interns who graciously answered all of his questions said that he would only require seven more months before being released back into the wild blue ocean.

Of course since they were so close to the beach they had to enjoy some beach time too. 

Pass this idea on to your children's grandparents, the children don't "have" to be ten years old. Pick an age and commit a weekend or a day to each child. Make the experience educational, fun and something that the child will enjoy yet hasn't done before. 

This Marvelous Adventure will forever hold a special place in Zane's heart as will his GranMarti! 

Thanksgiving Turkey Craft for Kids

Need a simple craft to do with your kids to celebrate Thanksgiving? This will only take a small amount of time and you probably already have everything in stock.

This project is great for kids from kindergarten to fourth grade. For the older kids add a writing element by asking them to write what they are thankful for on each feather. Younger kids can even draw a picture on each feather of what they are thankful for.

Start by cutting out a circle using brown construction paper. then have the kids cut various feathers out of colored construction paper. I drew the first feather for the child and had them stack the papers to cut the feathers out all at once. But you could easily create a template for them to follow or have them create their own feathers. The possibilities are endless!
Using yellow construction paper cut out a triangle for the beak. Draw the eyes on with marker. The child could either glue the feathers to the back of the circle or use a small paper fastener to make the feather movable.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Sobriety is My Celebration!

Today, August 14th, 2015 marks my anniversary.... I have been sober for three years. 

To be honest, being sober for three years has been the hardest thing I have ever done. It's a daily struggle, a daily commitment, each day I honor my emotions and tune in to my true authentic self. And I celebrate each day that passes, not just the years, but each and every day of being sober. 

I no longer count how many drinks people have at parties. I can sit down at a dinner party next to a person drinking wine and I can hear them. I can actually hear them! I can hear their story, I can see them and experience our time together. Because we addicts, there is an entirely different mental game that goes on in our heads. As you casually sip your wine, we can taste it in the back of our mouths. Which then leads to wanting a sip, and then the mind bounces through thoughts. And that desire for a drink is all encompassing, it feels like we are drowning. And you continue on talking as we pull out our plethora of tools; breathing techniques, counting, focusing on something other than each sip you take or how you hold your glass in your hand and so we look at your hair and we try to change the subject. And if the mental game becomes too much we excuse ourselves to the bathroom. That is where I can be found doing downward dog, right there next to your bathtub. I reconnect with my breath, I make the commitment to myself to be sober another hour, another night, another day. Once I feel steady, I return to the party. 

These moments have happened less and less for me this year. But then another mental game begins to play out, I start thinking maybe I don't really have a drinking problem. Am I really an alcoholic? Maybe I can control it and just have a glass of wine every now and then. But I know this story is the same story so many addicts have lived through before me. I remind myself of the blackouts, the mornings trying to feed my kids breakfast while fighting the nausea of a hangover, the dinner parties and conversations that I don't even remember. I know by listening to other addicts that have been sober for years more than me, thinking you have control over this addiction is a false sense of security. Because we don't have control! 

Each year that passes I feel stronger. I feel more in tune with my purpose and I feel less shame about being an alcoholic. It's a label that I can wear proudly because I am sober. And I feel so much better in my spirit and in my body than I ever did after a bottle of Chardonnay.