Lines across my face...

My birthday is approaching, it gets me thinking about age and what it means to me. Every year past thirty I ask myself some questions...Am I holding on to this number or am I going forward? Am I at that point where I just never mention how old I am, let people assume I'm in my 30's? This all may seem silly to you, a tad superficial. This is my honest truth. What aging is to me may be issues with your thighs/soft tummy to you. We all have our "thing" right?

I love the lyrics to Brandi Carlile's song "The Story",
"All of these lines across my face.
Tell you the story of who I am.
So many stories of where I've been.
And how I got to where I am.
But these stories don't mean anything
when you've got no one to tell them to.
It's true, I belong to you."

Where did these lines come from? I don't remember when they appeared. It probably happened when I was changing an exploded diaper at 3am or when one of my beautiful boys sang me a song and I cried tears of pure joy because his voice was so sweet and that moment was the best gift God could give me or when I climbed a hill on my bike encouraging myself to go on or when my best friend, Jabby, made me laugh so hard and so loud it cleared a subway car.

I'm trying to learn how to embrace each line on my face. As Brandi so beautifully sings they do "tell you the story of who I am". Don't get me wrong...I'm not ruling out an eye lift in my 60's quite yet. :)
But instead of focusing energy on a number, instead I'm in a state of reflection. Taking note of all the amazing things I've done over the past year and the plans I have for the year ahead of me.
It's going to be one amazing ride!

And these lines across my face, they are the map of my life.

Converted Morning Person

I've always called myself a night owl, I come from a long line of them. I'm the girl who can close down a bar, stay up with you till wee hours in the morning watching "Friends" marathon on a Friday night, or until recently, crafting late into the evening. Making use of those special hours when no one calls me Mommy.
I've never been a morning person. People would comment that I'd become one once I had kids. Nope, never happened. And now in only week two of being at work I find myself enjoying getting up at 5am before anyone else in the house. Hearing the sounds of the boys dreaming in their beds. I'm enjoying the quiet, the stillness. Dharma (the dog) has also been enjoying our morning walks, barking/howling as we walk out the door so that everyone within a block radius knows that she is up and out for her walk. I often wonder what the neighbors think about this, if they are cursing us or using us as their alarm clock. When the world is so still random people become part of your routine. You notice things that later in the day you wouldn't give a second of your attention to. The construction worker backing his big, pickup truck out of his driveway has become part of our routine. The man in the mini van with the squeaky tires who picks up the local dogs for doggie daycare has become part of our walk. And now Dharma and I have become a part of theirs. I pass a house with an old lady in a housecoat sitting in her living room, she's one of the only houses with lights on, she just sits and stares out the window. I wonder how long she remains that way. If it's just how she likes to start her day or if she's lonely and watching the neighbors has become her entertainment. One day last week I waved as we passed her house and her face lit up and she waved her thin, arthritic hand furiously in return. Today I got out of the house a tad bit later than our normal time and when I approached the old lady's house I noticed she was sitting on the edge of her wing back chair craning her neck in the direction from which we approach. I smiled and waved and I couldn't help but notice how her face relaxed when she saw us, almost a sign of relief. It brought a tear to my eye because soon we will be moving and it hurts my heart to know that this old lady, this stranger, will miss us. Dharma and I have become a part of her morning and she has become a part of mine. I'll miss that.
The picture is by Megan Rhodes. Please visit her etsy shop if you'd like to purchase this stunning print.

Cha-Cha-Changes

After 6 years of being a Stay at Home Mom, I have decided to go back to work. I landed this awesome job with a non-profit, my official title (ahem) is Development Coordinator. I have my own office with a door and a window!!! I feel like such a "grown up"! As you can see from the picture I had to add a little bit of craft to my new home away from home.
I've surprised myself on how easy it has been for me to jump back into the office world. I thought I would tear up when I kissed the kids goodbye at daycare, but I haven't. I am honestly giddy. I'm excited to work on projects that stimulate a part of my brain that hasn't been used for a while.
The boys are adjusting remarkably well. There are a lot of changes on the horizon for our family. On a daily basis I am reminding myself to be in the moment even on the dark days, to embrace and know in my heart of hearts that the universe will provide and happiness will reign.

Caden's Quilt

Don't you hate it when you make something and then totally forget to take pictures of it before wrapping it up and delivering it to the one you love? Doesn't this happen to everyone? It happens to me more often than I would like to admit but luckily I have some faboo friends who send me pictures of the item I made, and in this case it's my oldest friend Cindy's sweet boy Caden and the quilt I made for him. Isn't he just the cutest thing ever?!?!

Star of the Day

At Zane's current preschool he was the "Star of the Day" yesterday. He has been looking forward to this for months! When his original date was canceled because of the snow...oh it was a sad, sad day in our house. The general idea of the "Star of the Day", as I understand it, is to bring pictures and something special to share with the class. Basically your own personal show and tell. Zane just thrives in this type of spotlight...wonder where he got that from?
Well this crafty mama could not send her Star out into the world without a little crafty goodness to share. I made him his own scrapbook to share with the class. In it are pictures of the people in his family, a picture of Seattle (where he was born, it's very impressive to 4 year olds who have never rode on an airplane) and pictures of Zane doing things he likes to do...you know hold bugs and build sandcastles. He also got to take his very special stuffed animal/blanket, Tigger, and all day he got to carry Tigger around in school. This might have been the best part for Zane.
I made his scrapbook exactly how I made those little books for the kid's in Logan's class after our field trip.

love love love...a day to celebrate that thing called love

“I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out.”- Roy Croft

"We don't go together too well"

The unexpected week of no school due to Snowmaggedon is finally showing it's toll on the boys. Logan is so tired of dealing with his little brother on a constant basis.

"we don't go together too well" is a quote from Logan as he comes to me with tears in his eyes because Zane won't get out of his "space", referring to the area within a 2 ft circumference to Logan's body.

Like all siblings they have moments of beauty. The moments, that as a mother, brings tears to the corners of my eyes as I watch quietly at the door to their room trying not to disrupt the moment while the boys play together peacefully.

No one is screaming.
No one is sitting on the others head.
They are working together, building legos.
I exhale.
And then I see what they are working so hard on building.
GUNS!
My body naturally tenses up. I try to release it and I remind myself that the gun obsession is some weird DNA thing I just don't understand about boys. As I am lost in my own head for a bit the moment of peaceful coexistence is over. The tug of war over the perfect trigger gun piece begins.
And so does my day.

A Wedding Card with a bit more

My cousin is getting married and my Dad asked that I make a card from all of us, the family, and he was going to write the check. Sure thing Dad! I mean what girl wouldn't get behind that idea?!?! I really like this cousin so I wanted to make her a little something special. Beyond just a pretty card.
I made her an accordion scrapbook from a kit by Studio K. She can easily add photos from her big day and adhere them to the pages I already made. I love these kits because not only do they make wonderful gifts I always end up with leftover stickers, paper and die cuts to add to my own scrapbooks.

Christmas Calendars, simplified

I paired down on my Christmas crafting this year. That's not to say that I wasn't freaking out trying to get it all done at the last minute though, cause I still was.

The calendars this year were a bit different. More streamlined and much easier on me to mass produce 10 of them. I also chose to add more photography shots rather than just cute pictures of my kids.
I used white card stock and the Photoshop calendar brushes I posted previously here. These calendars are becoming a tradition and because of that I am able to order prints rather early in the year when Snapfish.com was having a 50 prints for 50 cents sale. Love that! Instead of doing binder rings as I've done in the past, I made the calendars with a single hole punch along the top and each month can be ripped off when it's finished. I ordered this compound last year to make the shopping lists and still have a ton of it left over. Clearly I need to think of more crafty gift ideas to use that stuff up.

Just Be....

Every year I pick a word to meditate on, to focus my energy on on a daily basis. For 2009 my word was AWAKENING.
Right now I feel like I am on the cusp of something else, in many aspects of my life. So many things are changing all at the same time. I'm trying to embrace this place and honor my feelings.
I'm trying to focus on just being.
Right here.
Right now.
And give life to this moment.
I chose this word, BE, slightly before the actual start of the new year. And since I can't have every word I chose for the year to be tattooed on my body like I did for EMBRACE, I'm instead surrounding myself with reminders. On my desk sits cute, vintage blocks and for my favorite chair I made this pillow.
What word are you going to chose this year?

A Boy and His Dog

Simple Surprises

I live in BOYLAND, I'm totally outnumbered. I know more about superheros than I ever thought I would. I'm often shot at with imaginary guns and told "you're dead mommy. be dead!" I love that every once in a while one of my boys drags around this doll and it becomes the playmate of the day or the afternoon. A simple surprise that warms my heart.

A lesson in TRUST and LETTING GO

Lauren and I decided to randomly end our bike season of 2009 with a bike ride on my parent's tandem. (We are not winter bikers) We had no idea what we were getting into. On the drive to the Washington & Old Dominion Trail we were placing bets on how many times we would fall. (none!) I didn't expect to learn any real lessons. But I did. We joked that it was like therapy.
The person in front, the Captain, has total control. The Captain steers, changes gears, warns the other rider (the stoker) of upcoming hills, bumps etc.
The stoker? The stoker...pedals. And guess who started the ride as the stoker. Yes, me.
Right from the beginning my heart began to beat a little faster. Putting all my trust in Lauren to make the right decision for the both of us. And the thing is Lauren is a really great bike rider, she knows what she is doing. I didn't realize how hard giving up total control was for me. I laughed nervously when Lauren would ask if I was OK, trying to play it cool. But I was struggling. Really struggling.
We rode 10 miles maybe and decided to switch positions. As the Captain, I bopped my head. My heart was beating at it's normal rate. I laughed real laughs and was able to chit chat. I was OK with having this responsibility. I know this role. I'm good at it. But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't challenge myself to grow. To release. To allow someone else who I know and love and most of all trust, to take the lead.
To be the Captain.
We decided to start our bike season of 2010 with another ride on the tandem.
I'm ready to pedal.

Holding on to Hope

This is a video about Taylor, a 17 year old girl who at age 2 was diagnosed as being on the Autism spectrum and given little hope of recovery. Now she is a top student, an athlete, and a creative artist.
Thank you Taylor for making this video, it's very insightful and gives parents like me Hope.

Back to School...

Yesterday was Logan's first day back to school from winter break. I made sure to wake up extra early so I wouldn't feel rushed which then makes the kids feel rushed as I chant, "come on..shoes on..jackets on...let's go!...let's go!" I was expecting Logan to have a breakdown, refuse to go to school, walk dragging his feet up the hill while crying. These transitions from school breaks are normally the worst. But none of that happened yesterday.

Yesterday the morning went along smoothly, keeping to our school day routine as if winter break never even happened. To say I was shocked is an understatement.

We get to school and I stand at the top of the hallway, Logan still refuses to be dropped off with the rest of the kids in the front of the building, which is OK by me I enjoy having that last moment together just as much as he does. We have a routine even there that we do everyday. Memorized lines we say to one another. It makes him feel "safe" he tells me. We stop at the mural and I kneel down for a hug and kiss. I then use that moment to remind him of something in his backpack that he needs to give his teacher, practice his clues one more time for his Friday mystery bag item etc, etc.
I then tell him "have a great day sweetie", he then replies "OK take care of Dharma and Zane for me."
"Okay I will", I respond.
He turns and walks down the hall, waving his left hand goodbye but not looking at me... as he does every school day.

And then he turns around, tears in his eyes and runs back to me on the verge of completely breaking down.
"You didn't say it Mommy!!! You didn't say it!!"
I'm scanning my lines in my head as if I'm on center stage and the spotlight is on me and everyone is waiting for me to deliver my line....

"You're going to be great!"

A huge smile spreads across his face.
A deep sigh of relief.
He turns to leave again.
I call out, "you're going to be great Logan! You always will be."
"I know, Mom. Thanks!"

You're going to be great.
Don't you wish someone told you that everyday as you were about to embark on your day. I'm not a huge resolution maker but this year I'm going to promise to show that compassion to myself . Let's do it together.

You're going to be great!!
Happy New Year!