Today…I celebrate 11 months of sobriety. Yes friends I’m
still not drinking. It isn’t a phase I’m going through. It isn’t a new fad to
go with my yoga lifestyle. I’ve been working really hard at being sober.
11 months ago I woke up hung-over, feeling like complete
shit and I promised myself that I will never feel like this again. I never want
to waste an entire day of living because of drinking too much. I had gotten
together with friends the night before and we were kind of celebrating my ability
to drink again. At least I was. It had been 8 weeks since my breast (tumor) surgery and I was no longer on pain medication. I drank that night like I was making up
for lost time.
My mom asked me recently, “I know you aren’t drinking anymore…but
did you feel like you had a drinking problem?”
Yes.
It has taken all the courage inside me to admit this.
Yes, I have a problem with alcohol. It took breast cancer to wake me up, it took meeting my wonderful wife to wake me up and it took time. I've had numerous moments in my life that should have shaken me awake to sobriety...but I wasn't ready to accept that I had a problem. Until now.
Over the last 11 months I’ve used yoga and food to fill the empty space inside me. I’m coming to terms with the realization that I can’t do it alone anymore. I’ve reached out to two friends who I know of that religiously go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Thankfully they opened their hearts to me and have offered to help me navigate this new course of my life.
Over the last 11 months I’ve used yoga and food to fill the empty space inside me. I’m coming to terms with the realization that I can’t do it alone anymore. I’ve reached out to two friends who I know of that religiously go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Thankfully they opened their hearts to me and have offered to help me navigate this new course of my life.
So in a month it will be 1 year of sobriety, I feel like I
should have a party but I don’t quite know what a party looks and feels like
without alcohol. I’m still stumbling through this journey of being sober. I get uncomfortable when people offer me a
drink, not realizing that I’m no longer drinking. And I smile and say “no
thanks” and try not to notice that I’m the only person in the room without a beer in my
hand.
I’m still figuring things out.
I’m not quite comfortable yet calling myself an alcoholic. I
don’t wear labels well. I fully admit that alcohol and me shouldn’t be friends.
But like the first time someone referred to me as a “special needs mom” I was
horrified! I didn’t want to be in this club! Now, as you know dear readers, I
am a huge advocate for special needs. I even did a PSA for goodness sakes! But
there was a time in my life when I didn’t feel comfortable wearing that label
either and over time I embraced my son's diagnosis and now proudly wave that Autism flag. I’m proud to be
in that club.
I’ll get there.
One day.
Today…I am simply 11 months sober.
And I’m pretty freaking proud of myself.
6 comments:
BRAVISSIMA, You Courageous, Marvelous Young Woman! Ever a success in each of your Life pursuits, now you don a Crown of Continued Sobriety. An inspirational "flag" is who you are, Gretchen: Long may you wave!!! RASF
I had no idea how serious this move was for you, and I applaud you taking another step to being the best you possible. Many hugs and much support to you!
Thank you both for your kind words, it means a lot!
If it's useful to you, try "No thanks, I don't drink." Repeat as needed.
It gets easier. But being sober around drinking people, especially if they get sloshy, is always a little weird. It's a drinking world out there.
"Repeat as needed"…I love that!
I honestly try to avoid being present when people get sloshy, that's when drinking becomes too tempting for me. I say my goodbyes before the shots get poured. :) Thanks for reading and commenting!
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